tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-100155342024-03-23T12:50:40.451-05:00My Only SongsI'm a robot that hurts peoples' feelings.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.comBlogger584125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-44661218962954060132010-12-19T00:22:00.014-06:002010-12-21T02:18:58.145-06:00The End of An (Hilarious) Era<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_85QPIZ1DPHo/TQ2lIqhi-OI/AAAAAAAABO0/Bua-UWJPVsc/s1600/larryking.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 320px; HEIGHT: 214px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5552275483890219234" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_85QPIZ1DPHo/TQ2lIqhi-OI/AAAAAAAABO0/Bua-UWJPVsc/s320/larryking.jpg" /></a><br />Last week, we lost a legend. No, not Bob Feller, but Larry King, who didn't actually die, but his career certainly did. Yes, after 25 years, Larry King has retired <em>Larry King Live</em>. Unfortunately, he waited about five years too long.<br /><br /><strong>Fortunately</strong>, those extra five years have shown us that Larry is no longer the great interviewer he once was and is now a doddering old fool. And if doddering old fools are good for one thing, it's embarrassing themselves with no shame, much like when that doddering old fool Regis Philbin slapped Nicki Minaj on the ass on live TV (and boy, was Kelly Ripa quick to jump all over him for that). And Larry King is no exception. His past five years have been filled with some hilariously douche chilly moments, so much so that it's a wonder the suits at CNN didn't pull his plug before now. But I'm glad they didn't, as we would have been robbed of some of the greatest moments in the history of television.<br /><br />So, as a tribute to the end of King's reign, here's some of Larry's greatest moments, captured for posterity, so that we can all remember the King's legacy of idiocy. Enjoy.<br /><br />During an interview with Sharon Tate's sister, Larry hits us with some breaking news about who really committed the Tate/LaBianca murders:<br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/YZFrquwn75A?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed height="385" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/YZFrquwn75A?fs=1&hl=en_US" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br /><br />After watching Jake Brown's horrific skateboarding crash approximately 100 times, Larry utters a classic internet meme at the 3:56 mark:<br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/as-n6Umlo8k?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed height="385" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/as-n6Umlo8k?fs=1&hl=en_US" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br /><br />Larry gets bored with this tale of rape and kidnapping and becomes fascinated with groceries:<br /><object id="ep" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" width="416" height="374"><param name="_cx" value="11006"><param name="_cy" value="9895"><param name="FlashVars" value=""><param name="Movie" value="http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed&videoId=bestoftv/2009/09/01/lkl.garrido.victim.cnn"><param name="Src" value="http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed&videoId=bestoftv/2009/09/01/lkl.garrido.victim.cnn"><param name="WMode" value="Transparent"><param name="Play" value="0"><param name="Loop" value="-1"><param name="Quality" value="High"><param name="SAlign" value="LT"><param name="Menu" value="-1"><param name="Base" value=""><param name="AllowScriptAccess" value="always"><param name="Scale" value="NoScale"><param name="DeviceFont" value="0"><param name="EmbedMovie" value="0"><param name="BGColor" value="000000"><param name="SWRemote" value=""><param name="MovieData" value=""><param name="SeamlessTabbing" value="1"><param name="Profile" value="0"><param name="ProfileAddress" value=""><param name="ProfilePort" value="0"><param name="AllowNetworking" value="all"><param name="AllowFullScreen" value="true"><embed height="374" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="416" src="http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed&videoId=bestoftv/2009/09/01/lkl.garrido.victim.cnn" bgcolor="#000000" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" wmode="transparent"></embed></object><br /><br />During an interview with Al Pacino (whose hair is frightening), Larry becomes "That Guy that Asks Celebrities to Do Lines from Their Movies":<br /><object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2TpWBa2PO8A?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed height="385" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="640" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2TpWBa2PO8A?fs=1&hl=en_US" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br /><br />And, in possibly the greatest thing to ever be shown on TV, in discussing Dr. Laura's use of the word "nigger" on her show, Larry comes up with a PC version that is more offensive than the actual word:<br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xSeh2uoc18c?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed height="385" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xSeh2uoc18c?fs=1&hl=en_US" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br /><br />He will be missed.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-8608434650930248832010-03-08T02:31:00.016-06:002010-03-08T11:05:41.684-06:00Post-Oscars Post<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7H2tZW62Uo5tUbzSaZoPr3Nu4jfJDkGH1B5mU7scP7gC4HWBqMu3-i3slM5CII-Q9hE48ydbqYmj4N9lBy6hSoNBA57itzZ-vCvPAJxAAuHQbXrMxIru6bI_5XBblkAi1sTNG/s1600-h/Kathyn-Bigelow-is-flanked-001.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7H2tZW62Uo5tUbzSaZoPr3Nu4jfJDkGH1B5mU7scP7gC4HWBqMu3-i3slM5CII-Q9hE48ydbqYmj4N9lBy6hSoNBA57itzZ-vCvPAJxAAuHQbXrMxIru6bI_5XBblkAi1sTNG/s400/Kathyn-Bigelow-is-flanked-001.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446309501011425346" /></a><br />As you may have noticed, I didn't do my annual Oscar nomination post. Mostly because...well, who really cares this year. The movies were so bad that I could really care less about who wins or loses. In fact, if they just took all the Oscars and handed them out to the cast and crew of <em>The Hurt Locker</em>, that'd be fine by me.<br /><br />But I watched the damn show anyway, because I've watched it for the last 25 years; why stop now?<br /><br />My assorted thoughts and observations:<br /><br />-If Neil Patrick Harris hadn't already come out of the closet, that tuxedo and musical number would have outed him;<br /><br />-With those glasses, Steve Martin looks like approximately everyone's grandmother;<br /><br />-It's nice to see they reinstated the Jim Crow Laws and put the cast from <em>Precious</em> waaaaay off stage left;<br /><br />-Again with letting Penelope Cruz talk. What, Roberto Benigni was unavailable?<br /><br />-Finally, they figured out a way to do the Best Animated segment without putting animated characters with humans. And of course <em>Coraline</em> lost. Best Animated Film: Why would it win that?<br /><br />-I guess I had no idea T-Bone Burnett was eight feet tall;<br /><br />-I kinda like the Six Degrees of Separation thing they did with the presenters for the Best Picture nominees;<br /><br />-Why is it that Tina Fey always looks like hell when she's trying NOT to look like hell? And pleeeease stop it with the fucking Reading of the Screenplays;<br /><br />-Wow. Where the fuck did they find Molly Ringwald? Matthew Broderick was so stunned, he nearly fell down the stairs. And douche chills aplenty when all the Brat Packers came out. Time is very cruel;<br /><br />-I couldn't tell: Is Roger Ross Williams gay? You may not have been able to tell either, what with the distraction of Mrs. Garrett from <em>Facts of Life </em>running up on stage;<br /><br />-So...we're just gonna dress Ben Stiller up in a Halloween costume every year? Believe it or not, he's pretty funny without any props;<br /><br />-How 'bout that: Roger Corman got an Oscar;<br /><br />-I believe this marks the first time in history that Robin Williams didn't do his Sassy Black Woman impression, chiefly because I think the sassy black woman that proceeded to win the Oscar would have kicked his white ass;<br /><br />-Line of the night: "I don't think the plural of 'whores' is 'whoreses'";<br /><br />-How do you win a Cinematography award for a movie that's 75% computer-generated?<br /><br />-I wonder if they realize that James Taylor has his own catalog of songs;<br /><br />-I found it humorous that two of Jennifer Aniston's former boyfriends presented an award together;<br /><br />-It took Paul Newman 30 years to finally win an Oscar; Fisher Stevens wins one on his first try;<br /><br />-I didn't think a wig could be gay, but Pedro Almodóvar's just proved me wrong;<br /><br />-Remember when Jeff Bridges was nominated for <em>Thunderbolt and Lightfoot</em> 30-odd years ago? No? Well, no one else does, either, but it's good to see that he's still the same guy all these years later;<br /><br />-Sandy Bullock accepts a Razzie AND an Oscar within 24 hours. Who else can say that?<br /><br />-Here's why James Cameron deserved to lose the Director Oscar: He dumped Kathryn Bigelow, who is pushing 60 and looks great, for Linda Hamilton, who is much younger and...not so much. And...<br /><br />-He also loses the Big One to his ex-wife. He is now officially an Oscar cuckold.<br /><br />All in all, the most predictable Oscars ever. If I had cared, I could have handicapped this thing to within about two. But, I didn't, so I didn't. Maybe next year will be more exciting.<br /><br />BTW, I DVR'd the whole thing and fast-forwarded through all the horseshit, and watched the entire three and a half hours in just under two.<br /><br />Just a helpful little tip for those who think these things tend get a little long.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-29273272847074079632010-03-04T08:24:00.011-06:002010-03-28T00:30:49.154-05:00Lost Pretty Much Sucks A Dick This Year<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIlbg7ndBJApyETe_E4Kr8yui8NpRgzILi2em0ufcpUi0unB4GF9W3yJ7-eth6XWSVgMXFmtbvZyzITJZJyrGc4lDx1947W8bNSH9wVRoj73l_ptRUAxu4rOhCx_aoqX7lp6bO/s1600-h/Lost_Season_6_Wall_by_Kvitne.png"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 250px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444784604874899810" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIlbg7ndBJApyETe_E4Kr8yui8NpRgzILi2em0ufcpUi0unB4GF9W3yJ7-eth6XWSVgMXFmtbvZyzITJZJyrGc4lDx1947W8bNSH9wVRoj73l_ptRUAxu4rOhCx_aoqX7lp6bO/s400/Lost_Season_6_Wall_by_Kvitne.png" /></a><br />So, <em>Lost</em>, the show that everyone simultaneous loves and hates, is coming to an end. Before the season started, I think that fans of the show thought this was a godsend, as all the questions that had been bothering them for five years would finally be answered. The problem with this final season is that, now that we know the answers, we kinda wish we didn't.<br /><br />Take, for example, the strange case of Richard Alpert, the seemingly-ageless member of The Others. When Locke asked Juliet how old Richard was, Juliet's answer was simply, "Old." He doesn't appear to have aged in over 50 years. I think that at some time or another, every fan has put together some theory as to why Richard hasn't aged. And now, after last week's episode, we finally know why.<br /><br />But the thing is...I wish we didn't know. Rather than find out that Richard was a slave on the <em>Black Rock</em> and that he was granted immortality by Jacob, I would have been satisfied not knowing Richard's backstory at all, just leaving the whole thing a mystery. Like maybe someone asks what Richard's deal is and someone else says, "I dunno. He's just always been here" (which is exactly what Juliet told Locke). I'd rather have the ambiguity than the awful answer I was given. And the awfulness doesn't end there.<br /><br />I've learned to tolerate a lot from <em>Lost</em>. The Others, the Dharma Initiative, the power struggle to control the island, the temporal shifts that caused everyone to end up in the '70s. All crazy, nonsensical stuff, but it all worked in the context of the show. In a setting where more questions are asked than answered, you can pretty much do whatever you want. It's a confusing mess, but it's a fascinating confusing mess.<br /><br />And now we're getting the answers we've waited for for five years, and they're some of the most unsatisfying answers ever given. It's like if I asked you what the answer to life, the universe, and everything was, and you told me <a href="http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&rls=com.microsoft%3Aen-us&q=the+answer+to+life+the+universe+and+everything&aq=0sx&aqi=g-sx3g-s1g-sx6&aql=f&oq=the+anwe&gs_rfai=">this</a>.<br /><br />I think what's going on is that the writers came up with all this crazy shit and now they have to come up with reasons for everything. I'm reminded of that episode of <em>The Simpsons</em> where they're digging to the buried treasure and someone asks how they're going to get out of the hole. Chief Wiggums' answer is "Dig <em>up</em>, stupid."<br /><br />That's what we're getting from <em>Lost</em> this year: A lot of digging <em>up</em>. And that's how we've ended up with the Smoke Monster Guy and Jacob, who apparently brought everyone to the island (even though the reasons for everyone being on the island have been explained before); the <em>Planet of the Apes</em> rejects who live in the temple and look for the Keeper of the Island; the Ajira flight people who are apparently Jacob's bodyguards; the alternate reality where the island doesn't exist; and, the worst of all, not-dead Locke, who, for five seasons, was literally dying to know the secrets of the island, but doesn't get to find out because, well...he's dead and is now nothing more than a skin suit for the smoke monster (yet another revelation I could have lived without).<br /><br />This show has exactly nine episodes to turn into something decent. If it continues down the same road it's on right now, it's going to turn out to be the most disappointing conclusion in history. Ooooooo, I hope friends aren't pitted against each other in a war to control the island!!<br /><br />Yuck.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-67712515581276778822010-02-17T01:17:00.013-06:002010-02-18T00:34:05.795-06:00Kevin Smith Got Run<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaKt3ErmrwM2pl8C6nCz4n8w_FvRX_iZmC_BOi-yc0bvW4UR1_ka7rDGHGaAnOU74hjMxNwCV7KZISMt_8l_sE23KkxepNPtaYX72ErCSD2hT6p0xyydCUqeN_py_QxhXCyfc3/s1600-h/kevinsmith.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 303px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaKt3ErmrwM2pl8C6nCz4n8w_FvRX_iZmC_BOi-yc0bvW4UR1_ka7rDGHGaAnOU74hjMxNwCV7KZISMt_8l_sE23KkxepNPtaYX72ErCSD2hT6p0xyydCUqeN_py_QxhXCyfc3/s320/kevinsmith.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5439467984757258466" /></a>If you've been in a coffin for the past couple of days, you might have missed that Kevin Smith got thrown off of a Southwest Airlines flight for being too fat. But, considering this is one of the biggest celebrity stories out there right now (Smith has already turned down offers to appear on <em>Good Morning America </em>and <em>Larry King Live</em>), I suspect you have.<br /><br />If you follow Smith's already-copious <a href="http://twitter.com/ThatKevinSmith">Twitter postings</a>, you know that he has doubled his output just commenting on this thing. And his last two <a href="http://smodcast.com/">SModcasts</a> have been dedicated to nothing but this incident. I don't think Southwest realized that they were throwing a guy off a plane that has a HUGE internet following (1.67 million Twitter followers) which he was going to use to absolutely kick the shit out of Southwest with.<br /><br />And Southwest's decision doesn't seem to make any sense. Smith was able to fit "inside the armrests," which is Southwest's criterion for fatness. Smith claims there was a fatter person on the flight that was allowed to stay on after Smith was ejected. And, on his second flight, Smith was sat next to a woman who just had the same thing happen to her.<br /><br />Of course Smith is going to fucking destroy Southwest. Minutes after all this happened, Smith posted about a hundred times to his Twitter account, ragging on Southwest. This is the worst possible kind of p.r. that Southwest could ever receive.<br /><br />The Girl and I are going to see Smith speak in March. I can't wait to hear this story live.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-88030131490665116112010-01-28T00:49:00.024-06:002010-02-01T02:28:44.776-06:00What To Watch During The All-Star Break<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsyIuEtkutZ7StbxYWUAEXqsiKkzXtv64nSPrIpjSh1V-n2kUv288KQqw-3ZxbevRoR_LjZuObMSksylNDkIdK59NYusHGB1YQ0fFwAx6QKtgcpwQyr-A7JE8apim-iiHsLN1G/s1600-h/archer-fx-480x360.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 300px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431679352639777490" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsyIuEtkutZ7StbxYWUAEXqsiKkzXtv64nSPrIpjSh1V-n2kUv288KQqw-3ZxbevRoR_LjZuObMSksylNDkIdK59NYusHGB1YQ0fFwAx6QKtgcpwQyr-A7JE8apim-iiHsLN1G/s400/archer-fx-480x360.jpg" /></a><br />Now that television has, for some reason or another, decided it needed to take a late Christmas vacation, many of the fall shows are off the air until spring. But, never fear: There are still new shows to watch in the interim. Here's some you can check out:<br /><br /><em>Damages</em>, <em>Archer</em>, and <em>Justified</em> (all on FX)<br />FX has one old show (<em>Nip/Tuck</em>) nearing its series finale, and has already replaced it with three new ones. <em>Damages</em> is a perennial Emmy nominee and winner, so you know that's some quality programming. <em>Archer</em> is a hilarious trifle of a cartoon that's just as funny but more focused than creator Adam Reed's previous shows, <em>Frisky Dingo </em>and <em>Sealab 2021</em>. And while <em>Justified</em> doesn't air until March, I know I'll be watching, as it chronicles the exploits of one of my favorite Elmore Leonard characters, US Marshal Raylan Givens. Really, I defy anyone to find better programming than that on FX.<br /><br /><em>24</em> (Fox)<br />The most ridiculous show on TV gets more ridiculous every year. If nothing else, it's always interesting to see what kind of nonsense will call Jack Bauer back to duty, and equally stupefying to see how no one believes anything Bauer says, even though he's never been wrong and has saved the world countless times. I am pleased to see that Elisha Cuthbert is being allowed to merely play Jack Bauer's daughter, as Katee Sackhoff has been cast as the "Girl Who Gets into Some Silly Predicament," a role that Cuthbert was forced to endure for years. If nothing else, I'll keep watching to see how they manage to shoehorn Aaron Pierce back into the show, as he's the only character other than Bauer to appear in every season.<br /><br /><em>Lost </em>(ABC)<br />Is there anyone who's <em>not</em> anticipating what's going to happen on this mess?<br /><br /><em>Spartacus: Blood and Sand</em> (Starz)<br />It's called <em>Spartacus</em>, but it's more along the lines of <em>Gladiator</em>. Actually, it's exactly like <em>Gladiator</em>, except with more profanity, violence, and nudity. And, seeing as I absolutely fucking hated <em>Gladiator</em>, I think you can guess my feelings on this one. Oh, and for those of you that don't have premium cable, Starz is nice enough to show episodes for free on <a href="http://www.starz.com/originals/spartacus">their website</a>. If it's always been your desire to see Lucy Lawless naked, watch away; otherwise, pass.<br /><br /><em>Kitchen Nightmares</em> (Fox)<br />It's always hilarious to see how Fox is going to make Gordon Ramsay seem like the world's biggest asshole. Talk about overamped. (By the way, there's a Billy Mays infomercial on TV right now, even though he's been dead for six months. Some guys can sell anything, even from beyond the grave.)<br /><br /><em>Caprica</em> (SyFy)<br />Find out who and what created the robots that will eventually annihilate the human race in this prequel to <em>Battlestar Galactica</em>. So far, I'm hooked.<br /><br /><em>Human Target</em> (Fox)<br />A while back, I <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2009/06/fox-might-have-their-work-cut-out-for.html">mentioned</a> my interest in this show. Now that I've seen the first three episodes, I'm still interested, even if the last two episodes haven't been as strong as the pilot. It's nice to see a big name like Jackie Earle Haley get more screentime, but I still fear the show will get canceled. While Fox has set it up to succeed by airing it directly after the #1 show on TV (<em>American Idol</em>), it competes directly against the #5 show on TV (<em>NCIS: Wherethefuckever</em>). We'll just have to see if it can keep up its currently strong ratings.<br /><br />If I come across anything else watch-worthy, I'll let you know.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-53982304055959482942010-01-23T23:15:00.016-06:002010-01-26T12:30:51.566-06:00Everything Goes (Mostly) Back To Normal<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUiV9jvA4LgADmaG13K6-FvHgLqAcWEWp3KReVlAmqOtEPFUYqEw4C39ZfwnMJkjQsGnOkra2Xua4zmAZme0ntx7FlRlupnNGKNPajaho3wc6q7U65Al564T5Kq2tNM-Xuxb0U/s1600-h/jay-leno-and-conan-obrien.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 281px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430171217683468322" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUiV9jvA4LgADmaG13K6-FvHgLqAcWEWp3KReVlAmqOtEPFUYqEw4C39ZfwnMJkjQsGnOkra2Xua4zmAZme0ntx7FlRlupnNGKNPajaho3wc6q7U65Al564T5Kq2tNM-Xuxb0U/s400/jay-leno-and-conan-obrien.jpg" /></a><br />Now that Conan O'Brien has aired his final <em>Tonight Show</em>, late night television will soon return to its previous state, except with Jimmy Fallon in place of Conan.<br /><br />I don't watch late night programming. I haven't watched with any regularity since Letterman went to CBS. In fact, it seems the only time I watch is when someone hosts their last show. (I've seen Carson, Letterman, and now Conan's last NBC shows. I also saw Dennis Miller's last show, which has nothing to do with this, but...last show.)<br /><br />I'll say upfront that I don't like Jay Leno; I really don't think he's funny. I think Conan and Letterman are funny, but their shows air when I'm catching up on all the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">primetime</span> shows I missed during the night, so I don't watch them either. I have no horses in this race. And I suspect that a lot of people don't either. Yet they're very quick to blame Leno for this whole mess.<br /><br />As I mentioned, I am not a Leno fan, but, as was the case with the <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2010/01/blog-post.html">post</a> directly under this one, I'm going to prove that I'm a sucker for lost causes and plead Leno's side on this one.<br /><br />Basically, the facts of the case are this: Five years ago, NBC re-signed Conan O'Brien, with the promise that O'Brien would get <em>The Tonight Show</em> in 2009. Leno, being a good company man, agreed to step aside.<br /><br />Flash forward to 2009. Leno's <em>Tonight Show </em>run is done; Conan is poised to ascend the throne. All seems pretty straight-forward, right?<br /><br />It was, except for one small problem. Actually, a pretty fucking huge problem: Leno was still number one in late night and really had no plans on retiring, much to the chagrin of NBC, which had suspected he would. NBC realized, five years too late, that losing a top-rated program that was still vital to another network would be a problem. So, they canceled five hours of <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">primetime</span> programming to make room for Jay so that they could also honor their deal with Conan.<br /><br />And of course it turned out to be a failure. Everyone predicted it would, And not just Leno's new show, but Conan's <em>Tonight Show</em> run was a flop as well. So, NBC was forced to eat crow and put everything back the way it was, showing Conan the door in the process.<br /><br />This is where everyone blames Leno. "Oh, Jay failed and wanted <em>The Tonight Show</em> back, so they fired Conan." What people who say nonsense like this fail to realize that television is all about ratings, and if you don't have the ratings, you get shown the door.<br /><br />You see, this whole mess is a very simple game of numbers. Let's say, for example, that the Leno version of <em>The Tonight Show</em> drew four million viewers on a nightly basis. Let's also say, for argument's sake, that Conan drew a million viewers on his post-Leno <em>Late Night </em>show. Now, let's say that when Leno moves into <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">primetime</span>, he brings his entire viewership with him, and, because there's more viewers in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">primetime</span>, picks up an additional million. So, Leno now has five million viewers, which would be great in late night, but is pathetic up against <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">primetime</span> shows that draw 15-20 million. Same thing for Conan. If he brings his entire viewership and gains a million by moving earlier, he'd have his best ratings ever, but he'd still be two million viewers short of what Leno drew. So, two somewhat-new shows failed, and the one that failed the worst, which was Conan's, got canceled.<br /><br />Every fall, dozens of new shows premiere on TV. If they don't get ratings, they get canceled, even if they've aired only one episode or a whole season. Hell, CBS will cancel a show if it fails to finish in the Top 15. The same is true of late night. Remember Magic Johnson's late night show? Or Chevy Chase's? No? You can't be blamed if you don't, as both only aired for a couple of months before being canceled. The same was true for Conan. He was on for seven months, lost half of <em>The Tonight Show</em>'s audience, and regularly finished last in his <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">timeslot</span>. It doesn't matter if you really like Conan and really hate Leno. Conan's show failed. And NBC killed it and gave <em>The Tonight Show</em> back to Leno.<br /><br />This is another point that's a point of ire for Conan fans. "Well, Jay's show was a failure too. Why does Conan have to suffer for that?" Yes, Leno was a failure...in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">primetime</span>. On <em>The Tonight Show</em>, he was number one. Of course NBC is going to keep the guy who was able to beat Letterman and put him back on <em>The Tonight Show</em>. Because losing to Letterman is not an option for NBC. And putting Conan back after <em>The Tonight Show</em> really isn't an option, since Jimmy Fallon is doing as well as Conan did in that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">timeslot</span>.<br /><br />And of course Jay is going to take the show back. What's he going to say, "No, I actually enjoy finishing last in five different time slots"? NBC offered him the show he was number one on, and he took it. He's not dumb. Business is business.<br /><br />What it all comes down to is that this whole thing is not Jay Leno's fault. If you want to blame someone, blame NBC, which made an incredibly stupid mistake, backpedaled like crazy to fix it, and fucked Conan O'Brien in the process. Did Jay take advantage of the situation? Why <em>wouldn't</em> he? Other than Conan's fans hating him, there's no downside for him. He's still on TV, doing what he loves, back in the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">timeslot</span> where he was number one. And he won't have to worry about destroying Conan's career, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">because</span> Conan will get a show somewhere else and succeed or fail on his own merits and not upon those of his predecessor.<br /><br />So, if you hate Leno, now you'll have to hate him in late night. Just don't blame him for this whole mess.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-18934964994487777082010-01-12T15:57:00.031-06:002010-01-14T00:32:27.720-06:00Big Mac Admits What We Already Knew<object width="384" height="216" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" id="ESPN_VIDEO" data="http://espn.go.com/videohub/player/embed.swf" allowScriptAccess="always" allowNetworking="all"><param name="movie" value="http://espn.go.com/videohub/player/embed.swf" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"/><param name="wmode" value="opaque"/><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"/><param name="allowNetworking" value="all"/><param name="flashVars" value="id=4817614"/></object><br />Mark McGwire has finally admitted what everyone has expected for the better part of 10 years: that he used performance-enhancing steroids while he was playing baseball. The fact that he went from a guy who had the physique of a basketball player to a guy who looked like he could punch through an engine block all but convinced everyone that McGwire was on the juice. Five years ago, when he was called in front of Congress to testify about steroids, he bebopped and scatted all around the issue (as opposed to Sosa and Palmeiro, who outright lied). Since he retired, he's been in virtual seclusion, lending more credence to the fact that maybe he had something important weighing on his mind. And now, he's come out and spilled the beans. And I'm going to do something nutty and defend the guy a little bit.<br /><br />Remember Skinny McGwire, the one that went to three World Series in the late '80s/early '90s?<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKAVtMHD73W0uC_A5ApxpIcOfQ1P_yqP-qXr9C7fszwMEswDc_THVqudfL30cjEzoL4rJN6sflOz5ulJpezr9Qwg8tll_owvTnQlNP8vgpjSlJm4Ar9VI73tiYjmEFDvoBKnGq/s1600-h/mcgwire-topper.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 229px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKAVtMHD73W0uC_A5ApxpIcOfQ1P_yqP-qXr9C7fszwMEswDc_THVqudfL30cjEzoL4rJN6sflOz5ulJpezr9Qwg8tll_owvTnQlNP8vgpjSlJm4Ar9VI73tiYjmEFDvoBKnGq/s400/mcgwire-topper.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426106551997442642" /></a><br />That McGwire averaged 36 HRs and 100 RBI a year. Obviously, he had some power hitting ability. And this was <em>before</em> the juice.<br /><br />But then, in '93, McGwire had a foot injury that put him out of commission for two years. This is approximately when McGwire admits he started using steroids in order to speed up his recovery.<br /><br />Now, steroid treatment, particularly after surgery, is a very commonplace recovery therapy. I'm willing to bet that a lot of people have taken the steroid Prednisone at some point in their lives. Remember when Jerry Lewis got really fat around the turn of the millennium? That was from Prednisone. That's one of the side effects of steroids: You bulk up. When McGwire took steroids, he bulked up too. The difference between him and Lewis was that McGwire took better steroids and hit the gym like a motherfucker.<br /><br />Which led to Incredible Hulk McGwire:<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPTtIHMgQT-3y5BmqxeVRZ4rgapI98FyAnriYnAt1rb__WdeC4GxKLJHz8J-AsV_9akr4lIXFqDiA1_cgM1mqq2Ejtx32IgV2hkwEIbHiZjjYk7Tp1776GL7RFFjczW_SuqdqH/s1600-h/mark_mcgwire.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPTtIHMgQT-3y5BmqxeVRZ4rgapI98FyAnriYnAt1rb__WdeC4GxKLJHz8J-AsV_9akr4lIXFqDiA1_cgM1mqq2Ejtx32IgV2hkwEIbHiZjjYk7Tp1776GL7RFFjczW_SuqdqH/s400/mark_mcgwire.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426113490361560530" /></a><br />(Nice mustache, douche.)<br /><br />This is the McGwire that would break Roger Maris' HR mark of 61 twice in two years. This is the McGwire that hit 284 HRs over the next five years, almost 50 more than in the previous nine. Now he <em>really</em> had some power hitting ability.<br /><br />But...what if?<br /><br />What if he hadn't gotten injured? What if he hadn't needed the steroids to recover? What if he'd continued along the path he'd set in his early years? He'd still have about 530 HRs, plus he might have played longer than 16 years, as nagging injuries wouldn't have shortened his career. In this bizarro world, where baseball players don't take steroids, McGwire may have hit 583 HRs without any sort of performance enhancement.<br /><br />See, the thing with steroids is...as soon as that word "steroids" comes out, everyone immediately forgets that the offending player had any baseball ability to begin with. It's as though a 98-pound weakling who couldn't even lift a bat took steroids and was suddenly better than Hank Aaron.<br /><br />But that's not the case. The shitty players that take steroids, like Jason Grimsley and David Segui, for example, continue to be shitty. As I've mentioned <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2009/06/sammy-got-some-splainin-to-do.html">before</a>, if I took steroids, I'd probably turn into a fatass. But if I got really motivated, I could hit the gym and turn that bulk into a serious muscular situation. In my current drug-free form, I can't hit a goddamn ball off a tee; what's adding 40 pounds of muscle mass going to do to improve that?<br /><br />The All-Star players that have all been busted for or accused of steroid use, like McGwire, Petitte, Clemens, Bonds, A-Rod, etc, etc, were great before they even got on steroids. The steroids made them <strong>greater</strong>. But, without that initial greatness, they'd just be average Joes trying to get an edge. I know this is hard for many to believe, but, if that list of 104 that tested positive for steroids is ever made public, I don't think it will be composed entirely of the last 15 years' All-Star lineups. It's a handful of superstars, most of whom we already know, and a whole lot of guys who are more likely to make the waivers list than the All-Star team.<br /><br />And this is where we come back to McGwire. Would he have been great without steroids? He was a six-time All-Star <strong>before</strong> he used steroids. He was one of the best HR hitters in baseball. But, as I mentioned earlier, that all gets forgotten as soon as he's labeled a steroid user. He wouldn't have hit 70 HRs in '98 without steroids, that's for sure. But he would still have hit a ton. And that's the tragedy: All of his accomplishments, clean or not, get shit on. His whole career gets tainted, regardless of when he started the steroids.<br /><br />That's a damn shame.<br /><br />Speaking of shames, I don't think it's a coincidence that McGwire made this announcement less than a week after his fourth consecutive poor showing on the Hall of Fame ballot. I think he figured he's not going to make it anyway, why not forego the inevitable and completely close that door. Yet these sportswriter dummies, some of whom can't even be bothered to fill out their ballots, are still talking about whether or not this steroid revelation will hurt his Hall of Fame chances. I'm going to answer that question with three short words: not at all. What <strong>really</strong> hurts his Hall of Fame chances is the fact that the non-HR part of his stat line stinks. Rob Deer hit a lot of homers, and, well...did he even <em>make</em> it to a second ballot?<br /><br />Sorry, Mac. You were a great player, but 1600 hits just doesn't cut it. And that's got nothing to do with steroids.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-78512633122738669912010-01-02T20:58:00.010-06:002010-01-02T23:22:02.818-06:00Get Ready To Have Your Eyes Blown Off<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs_pI-dOFEYACvrLheUcb4q5bmfqcey2zu1t_DSBAnOXLNIXg5r5FeUxewzRm3zRDfoMhJODXpNYpV3OzHGElilGVSZkc7BptlWHCzlEWJlRTrVWknYX9o5hnUnn0peZAhYH0S/s1600-h/363937.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 225px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422342803718756994" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs_pI-dOFEYACvrLheUcb4q5bmfqcey2zu1t_DSBAnOXLNIXg5r5FeUxewzRm3zRDfoMhJODXpNYpV3OzHGElilGVSZkc7BptlWHCzlEWJlRTrVWknYX9o5hnUnn0peZAhYH0S/s400/363937.jpg" /></a><br />The big movie out right now, without a doubt, is <em>Avatar</em>. This is the movie that everyone's seeing. At my local theatre, every 3-D IMAX showing has been sold out since its release. It's made over $300 million in two weeks. Needless to say, this movie has some heat.<br /><br />From the beginning, I've never been all that stoked to see it. I don't think anybody would disagree with me in saying that the trailers looked stupid. And it's the product of a megalomaniacal director who hasn't made a feature film in 12 years. There's a lot of factors (one of which is a reportedly astronomical budget) at work here that make this thing seem like a failure in the making. But, everyone is going to see it, so I figured maybe I should go see what all the fuss is about.<br /><br />Now, I won't lie to you: I'm gonna shit on this thing right away. The plot of the movie leaves a lot to be desired. It's no secret that James Cameron is not the "King of the World" when it comes to writing. There's a lot of goofy plot elements and terrible clichés and cutesy touchy-feely moments that seemed hackneyed back when the Ewoks where dancing around in <em>Return of the Jedi</em>. That was 27 years ago; that corniness hasn't aged well. And speaking of using the WABAC Machine for inspiration, Cameron steals quite liberally from his own filmography. He's like a not-as-talented Quentin Tarantino who's not creative enough to steal from other peoples' movies. So, in terms of being a movie that engages you at a human, intellectual level, you're looking in the wrong place.<br /><br />Now, as for being a stunning action movie with 3-D visuals that will kill a lesser man...<br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">JE. SUS. CHRIST.</span></strong><br /><br />Remember when you saw <em>Star Wars </em>as a kid, and were completely awestruck by what you were seeing on the screen? This is like that, except about a trillion times more impressive.<br /><br />This may be one of the most visually-beautiful movies I have ever seen. There are times when so much is going on on the screen that it is possible your head might explode if you attempt to take it all in. It's all amplified by the 3-D, which is the best I've seen so far. (Mind you, the last movie I <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2009/06/3-d-old-school.html">saw in 3-D</a> was <em>House of Wax</em>, so anything better than that will impress me.) There were times during the final reel when I actually jerked back in my seat to avoid being hit in the face by...well, the screen, apparently. If you're not going to see this in 3-D, you might as well see it with your eyes closed, because that's how much you're missing.<br /><br />If you can manage to completely disregard the plot and enjoy this as a purely sensory experience, you will not be disappointed. I left the theatre with a smile on my face and an urge to see it again. The action and the visuals are so good that they actually make up for the weakness of the story. (Those of you who have seen <em>Transformers 2</em> know this is no easy feat.) I'll even go so far as to say that if the Best Picture Oscar was awarded purely for the technical merits of a movie and had nothing to do with storytelling, this would win Best Picture of 2009.<br /><br />Once the line for the IMAX showings goes down a little, I know what I'll be seeing again.<br /><br />Oh, and if you've seen <em>The League of Extraordinary Gentleman </em>or <em>Van Helsing</em> or any other action movie that takes place in turn-of-the-century London, you've essentially seen <em>Sherlock Holmes</em>. Downey, Jr. is entertaining, but the rest is a lot of been there, done that.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-88115623865200609982009-12-21T00:21:00.003-06:002009-12-21T01:12:13.971-06:00The Music Has Aged Gracefully, Even If The Band Has Not<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WJaYudrDMgAWKj7Ba2WRAprK5WLh9zd5yPQ7B7y34CI2VcsBRupIYizTrGAsTPUi7JiwHnc6v7o-7sBCpEdnY5TK_b6rm1skHd4Gu9nk1mRBr6H4C5vpA_tG3G_DzeXk8RO5/s1600-h/dinosaur_jr1.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 266px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417571739941993074" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WJaYudrDMgAWKj7Ba2WRAprK5WLh9zd5yPQ7B7y34CI2VcsBRupIYizTrGAsTPUi7JiwHnc6v7o-7sBCpEdnY5TK_b6rm1skHd4Gu9nk1mRBr6H4C5vpA_tG3G_DzeXk8RO5/s400/dinosaur_jr1.jpg" /></a><br />About a thousand years ago, I <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2005/04/retard-of-year-award.html">made mention</a> of a Dinosaur Jr. concert I attended back in the '90s. About a hundred years ago (or, last month, in non-hyperbole time), I attended another one. My thoughts on the show:<br /><br />How does a band resolve the Bob Mould/Grant Hart problem of someone other than the lead singer/songwriter/guitarist having a whole catalog of songs they want to play? Why, you put them on as the opening act, that's how. So, the show opened with bassist Lou Barlow playing a handful of songs that, well, J Mascis didn't write.<br /><br />Up next was MV & EE, who, based upon their appearance and music, probably smoke about eight bongs a day, followed by a ream of 8½ x 11 sheets worth of blotter acid. The most notable thing about their show was that the woman in the group was playing a Gibson Thunderbird that would have looked small in the hands of a five-year old. Their set ended with amp feedback <em>from a banjo</em>. (That's just too stupid to make up.)<br /><br />Then it was Dinosaur Jr.'s turn. For a band that been together, on and off, for 25 years, they still know how to rock. Even though J got grey and fat, his music and playing is no less vibrant than it was the last time I saw them, 15 years ago. The one thing about the show I will comment on was the volume. Maybe I'm getting old, but J's big Marshall stacks (like the ones he's standing in front of in the masthead pic) were so loud that they drowned out the house speakers. Even standing 10 feet away, I couldn't hear the drums over J's amps. Consequently, I was effectively deaf for two days afterward.<br /><br />But, was it worth losing my hearing to see the original lineup of one of the greatest rockbands ever? You better believe it was. And, after the show, I went to a bar and watched those scumbags from <em>Girls Gone Wild</em> try to get girls to show their tits.<br /><br />A good time was had by all.<br /><br />Oh, and not that it was anything to do with anything, but, standing outside, waiting for the show to start, I watched a guy get in a car carrying a handful of fencing <em>épées</em>.<br /><br />Really, you don't see that every day.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-89233226215255069812009-12-08T23:11:00.013-06:002009-12-21T01:18:53.981-06:00T-Minus Six Months Until The Hustler Spread<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixfiOr7G5gSQOEp3L3Hoxa6YgJqxr6Rj84cspl7QxTT-mM2sOXUPpWd39JXLwi_ZKvJslR7crxHlND9HjZHqhFjFtotw2J76SSAJ_rU-CgKOIPcMHeFWM26TvU5CoFfLnEiWPK/s1600-h/lindsay-lohan-topless-nipples-muse-03.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 315px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413102937520034994" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixfiOr7G5gSQOEp3L3Hoxa6YgJqxr6Rj84cspl7QxTT-mM2sOXUPpWd39JXLwi_ZKvJslR7crxHlND9HjZHqhFjFtotw2J76SSAJ_rU-CgKOIPcMHeFWM26TvU5CoFfLnEiWPK/s400/lindsay-lohan-topless-nipples-muse-03.jpg" /></a>Almost two years ago, I <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2008/02/it-was-only-matter-of-time.html">mentioned</a> a <em>New York</em> magazine photoshoot in which Lindsay Lohan was, according to her, tricked into posing nude. (I don't see how you can get tricked into that, as, if your clothes are off and someone takes pictures of it, the results will be nude pictures. But, this is Lindsay we're talking about, and she's repeatedly proven herself to be one of the stupidest vertebrates currently residing on this planet.) This seemed, at least to me, to be her career nadir and that she would probably use this to jumpstart her career, and that would be the last time Lindsay got her tits out. But no sooner had Lindsay's bronzer dried that oops, she did it again (to steal a phrase from a similar trainwreck).<br /><br />In the newest issue of <em>Muse</em>, whose very non-functional website can be found <a href="http://magmuse.com/">here</a>, Lindsay has posed for yet another nudity-laden photoshoot, this one inspired by a Kate Moss/Johnny Depp shoot in <em>Vanity Fair </em>about a hundred years ago.<br /><br />Now, mind you, I'm all for female nudity, but, if all female nudity turns out looking like this, well then, I guess I never need to see any woman naked ever again. Lindsay, at age 23, looks worse than that hag from <em>Drag Me to Hell</em>. She has reached that point where doing porn is not so much an option as it is an inevitability. I foresee her getting DP'd in the pages of <em>Hustler</em> any time now. That is, if Larry Flynt would have such a hideous wretch in his magazine.<br /><br />Even a complete scumbag has standards.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-35303059308007038442009-11-18T09:11:00.019-06:002010-04-10T01:56:00.560-05:00Last Five Movies<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZkTdLBW8hpxvEe_JdL60UFk1GVE2kWI1Twad4neD4_vjZQl55Nshy-RAUAfXJFT9whGSb-td9khD6xwzs-683F27hFFPwkJVOmQy4QMj-WBoaUxsu8OKBNssurUJkNa3KqlJ3/s1600/men_who_stare_at_goats_ver3.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 270px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5405468220532018850" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZkTdLBW8hpxvEe_JdL60UFk1GVE2kWI1Twad4neD4_vjZQl55Nshy-RAUAfXJFT9whGSb-td9khD6xwzs-683F27hFFPwkJVOmQy4QMj-WBoaUxsu8OKBNssurUJkNa3KqlJ3/s400/men_who_stare_at_goats_ver3.jpg" /></a><br />I know it's well past Halloween, but, for some reason, I'm watching nothing but horror movies. What I've watched recently:<br /><br /><em>Paranormal Activity</em> (2009)<br />So, this is the movie that everyone's talking about; the movie that made everyone crap their pants; the most successful independent movie ever. Is it worth the hype? Well...not really. Admittedly, it does have some scary parts, but, apart from the scenes with the ghosties (which only accounts for about 15 minutes), it's really quite boring. It's also a lot more slickly-made than everyone would have you believe, with much digital trickery and clever (and, at times, sloppy) editing to give it more of a documentary feel. Call me a hater, but <em>The Blair Witch Project</em>, to which this is frequently compared, was a whole hell of a lot scarier.<br /><br /><em>House of the Devil</em> (2009)<br />The crappy Horror Movies of the '80s fostered my subsequent love of all Horror Movies. So, I appreciate that someone actually took the time to try and capture the unique feel of an '80s Horror Film in a modern-day one. And writer/director Ti West has pretty much nailed here. Unfortunately, a nice gimmick is no substitute for a plot, of which this only has about five minutes worth. The rest is just padding out the running time. And that's <em>waaaaaay</em> too much padding.<br /><br /><em>Orphan</em> (2009)<br />This movie was just as creepy as advertised, but gets torpedoed by an highly improbable twist at the end. Oh, and if overt sexual behavior by a 12-year old is a little <strong>too</strong> creepy for you, there's a scene toward the end that will have you hiding under the bed.<br /><em></em><br /><em>Drag Me to Hell</em> (2009)<br />I've discussed this movie in depth <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2009/05/im-sam-raimi-fan-again.html">before</a>; no need to rehash here.<br /><br />The best one is the only non-Horror Movie; I sense a correlation here:<br /><br /><em>The Men Who Stare at Goats </em>(2009)<br />If I didn't know better, I'd say this was a Coen Brothers movie, as it shares the goofy surreality of movies like <em>Fargo</em> and <em>Burn After Reading</em>. The movie, which is allegedly based on true events, refuses to admit that anyone has any sort of powers. It's happy with the fact that, even if no one actually has any power, if they believe they have powers, then that's the same as them having powers. The ambiguity just adds to the goofiness. Add to that great comedic turns by all the cast, and you have a thoroughly entertaining bit of nonsense.<br /><br />I'm going to try to run through a wall now. Check it out.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-3134631461801867412009-11-12T13:10:00.008-06:002011-12-28T23:13:51.252-06:00Finally: A "Best Of" List I Can Get Behind<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxsu4b3ai973jU4sEvFRQoiEog5YC86ccy6Jjia30cOBE9WUYizhSVAfa60tl3OLQMAKeKwwZjcXWwnou2YaucZPMeZppC931bnF1VoSPqlPlmDb0avAfI33hTiZ7vF1e_TYI/s1600-h/The-Wire_300_jpg_300x1000_q85.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 300px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403297562174330866" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxsu4b3ai973jU4sEvFRQoiEog5YC86ccy6Jjia30cOBE9WUYizhSVAfa60tl3OLQMAKeKwwZjcXWwnou2YaucZPMeZppC931bnF1VoSPqlPlmDb0avAfI33hTiZ7vF1e_TYI/s400/The-Wire_300_jpg_300x1000_q85.jpg" /></a>Me and this blog have had a long-standing hatred of "Best Of" lists. (Click <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2006/06/what-living-fuck.html">here</a>, <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2005/10/worst-top-10-list-of-all-time.html">here</a>, or <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2005/06/i-love-greatest-lists.html">here</a> to share the hate.) They are invariably written by entities who have no idea what "best" is. And, therefore, I tend to hate them.<br />
<br />
That being said, imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon <em>The A.V. Club</em>'s "<a href="http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-best-tv-series-of-the-00s,35256/">The Best TV Series of the '00s</a>" and found myself agreeing with almost everything on the list.<br />
<br />
Shock!<br />
<br />
Mind you, there's some real no-brainers on the list (<em>Arrested Development</em>, <em>The Wire</em>, <em>Mad Men</em>: no duh). But almost everything else on the list is shows that I have watched and enjoyed and would recommend to others. In fact, the only real false note I can find is the inclusion of <em>How I Met Your Mother</em> (which, admittedly, I have never seen, but it's a laff-track sitcom on CBS, which immediately tells me it's shit).<br />
<br />
The thing that impresses me most about this list is that it thinks outside the box a little and includes great shows that a lot of people have not seen, like the hilariously insane <em>Tim and Eric Awesome Show</em> or the nostalgia-filled <em>Venture Brothers</em>. Even the inclusion of Joss Whedon's not-seen-by-anyone-until-after-the-fact space western <em>Firefly</em> is to be lauded.<br />
<br />
So, seeing as it is the season for "Best Of" lists, be sure to enjoy this one that actually makes sense before gettting inundated with the the nonsensical ones.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-75699241937754904662009-11-11T11:40:00.004-06:002009-11-12T15:01:37.903-06:00Honestly: Who Knew?<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VRI2wuBYmJU&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/VRI2wuBYmJU&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br />Two days ago, the Andre Agassi autobiography <em>Open</em> was published. Before that, details of the book had been slowly leaking out, including some shockers, like his crystal meth use. The one that gets the most play, though, is the fact that his famous '90s hairdo was a wig.<br /><br /><strong>Really</strong>?!!?<br /><br />At the time, it was unfathomable that his hair was a wig. The wild hair seemed to go with the rest of his flamboyant, bad-boy persona. The hair seemed almost too complex to be a wig, and, honestly, that was the style at the time. I myself and many others I know had very similar mullets at the time. So, his hair didn't even look out of place or style and so there was no question as to its authenticity. I mean, how hard was it to believe that a 20-year old would have a big, fabulous head of wild hair?<br /><br />But, 20 years later, after watching the above clip from the 1990 U.S. Open Final, before which Agassi claims his wig fell apart and was being held together with bobby pins, I realize: How could it <em>not</em> be a wig?<br /><br />The obviousness of wigness is amplified by the fact he's wearing a headband. You can plainly see that he's pulling a Bret Michaels and that everything above the headband is a wig and everything below it is not. It's like there's a line drawn straight across his head separating what's real and what's fake. As you watch the match go on, the headband begins to creep up and he begins to look like a bald guy with a dead bearcat tied to his scalp with a headband.<br /><br />I guess we should have suspected something when, suddenly, Agassi started wearing a hat and by '95, when he shaved his head, it was pretty apparent that he'd been balding for quite some time. But, the fact that it never looked like a wig, even when it was all sweaty and flying around, made for completely plausible deniability.<br /><br />I guess no one realized how advanced wig technology was 20 years ago. Now I know.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-60090958303881500422009-11-06T12:31:00.013-06:002009-11-11T12:24:23.991-06:00Maybe Jim Thompson Will Finally Get His Due<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirCXHScY6inUgmSe2agLjcSkaQccwSYqNV945khTldbvzg7hRsFC7rLwr-QXy7UzeXhnUd6-pPMYpxMt3Ae6NA9E7p055AV-DeJTAgLDlRK-14b2wZwOQBVVSTCH77SskM03yo/s1600-h/KillerInsideMe.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 250px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 385px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401066752670829650" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirCXHScY6inUgmSe2agLjcSkaQccwSYqNV945khTldbvzg7hRsFC7rLwr-QXy7UzeXhnUd6-pPMYpxMt3Ae6NA9E7p055AV-DeJTAgLDlRK-14b2wZwOQBVVSTCH77SskM03yo/s400/KillerInsideMe.jpg" /></a>Because I pay so little attention to everything, I had no idea that there was a movie adaptation of Jim Thompson's <em>The Killer Inside Me</em> coming out. (Actually, it's the second adaptation, as there's a Stacey <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Keach</span> movie from the '70s that adapted it first.) Based upon the trailer (which I've included at the end of this post), it looks fairly entertaining, especially if you've always fantasized about seeing Jessica Alba getting beaten to death. As someone who's read most of Thompson's books, I'm always happy to see a movie based on Thompson's work.<br /><br />The real shame is that Thompson, who died in the '70s, isn't around to reap any of the monetary benefits of having his work adapted. Thompson was widely ignored during his lifetime. Mind you, two of his books were adapted into movies in his lifetime (the aforementioned <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Keach</span> version of <em>The Killer Inside Me</em> and Steve McQueen version of <em>The Getaway</em>). But, by the time he died, Thompson was broke and all of his work was out of print. It wasn't until years later, when people realized that Thompson was a better writer than Raymond Chandler and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell</span> Hammett, that his work was unfairly lumped in with all the other pulp fiction <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">dreck</span> of the era and that people might actually be interested in his work.<br /><br />Now, all of his books are readily available and there's interest in "being in the Jim Thompson business." There have been nine more movie adaptations since his death, one of which (<em>The <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Grifters</span></em>) was nominated for four Oscars. And he's pretty much become one of those "Writers Everyone Should Read, But Hasn't." Meanwhile, Thompson spins in his grave, fuming over why it took his death for people to realize his greatness.<br /><br />I know I'd be pissed. Anyway, enjoy the trailer:<br /><br /><object width="450" height="253"><param name="movie" value="http://www.traileraddict.com/emd/15728"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.traileraddict.com/emd/15728" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" wmode="transparent" width="450" height="253" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-86549977084281512622009-11-05T01:36:00.002-06:002009-11-06T08:37:31.753-06:00I Was Wondering When They Were Going To Change That Definition<embed height="400" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:southparkstudios.com:254820" wmode="window" flashvars="autoPlay=false&dist=www.southparkstudios.com&orig=" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" allownetworking="all" bgcolor="#000000"></embed><br />If you missed last night's episode of <em>South Park</em>, you missed a delightfully subversive episode in which the boys get the definition of the word "fag" to refer to Harley riders instead of homosexuals.<br /><br />As someone whose city is the Home of Harley Davidson and gets flooded with 100,000 annoying Harley riders every five years, I fully concur with Emmanuel Lewis' decision to update the definition.<br /><br />Just my two cents, much to the chagrin of some of my friends and family.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-49619213915288676052009-10-30T20:46:00.007-05:002009-10-30T21:32:09.793-05:00Something To Watch For Halloween<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM8eSu3Z1gCR1ULiXJKyBLtKskkCdWYD-gfca8F8jzFZYKAjvV-dzKJH3K070NicvD9ujHWg_oGtgWnzw1E0-EWCbiXPdWpGdsZCa3q-Uskh_Vwr3KKRLQHYWOPkZmtM9M7HwR/s1600-h/happy_birthday_to_me.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 273px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5398584385549232786" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM8eSu3Z1gCR1ULiXJKyBLtKskkCdWYD-gfca8F8jzFZYKAjvV-dzKJH3K070NicvD9ujHWg_oGtgWnzw1E0-EWCbiXPdWpGdsZCa3q-Uskh_Vwr3KKRLQHYWOPkZmtM9M7HwR/s400/happy_birthday_to_me.jpg" /></a>So, tomorrow is Halloween. People like to be scared on Halloween and horror movies are the perfect way to do that. But, rather than recommend some shitty "horror" movie currently playing in theatres, I thought I'd give a couple that are out on video that are actually scary, instead of some PG-13 shit that wouldn't even scare a toddler. Some of these I've discussed before, others I haven't. All are great.<br /><br /><em>Happy Birthday to Me</em> (1981)<br />Just rereleased on DVD, this is one of The Girl's favorite movies. And what's not to like about a movie where a guy gets his face sanded off by a spinning motorcycle tire? Check it out quick, so you can see it before it's inevitably remade.<br /><br /><em>Session 9</em> (2001)<br />Who knew that asbestos removal could be so scary? It is, particularly when your project is the condemned Danvers State Mental Hospital. And anytime you throw David Caruso into the mix will make for a scary ride. They just don't make spooky movies like this anymore.<br /><br /><em>Exorcist 3</em> (1990)<br />One of the few sequels in history to be scarier than the original. An odd premise, in that two minor characters from the original are the main characters here (similar to the sequel of another entry on this list). Flawed by some obvious post-production tampering, it still has some really creepy shit (like the old lady on the ceiling) and snappy dialogue (adapted by Blatty himself from his novel) that makes it worth a watch.<br /><br /><em>Ringu</em> (1998)<br />The movie that singlehandedly ruined the Asian Horror Movie (as every horror movie released in Southeast Asia after this was a knockoff of it) is still one of the scariest things of the last decade. Without resorting to any sort of visual or audio trickery, it delivers the scares on atmosphere alone: something no director in America has figured out how to do.<br /><br /><em>Theater of Blood</em> (1973)<br />More of a comedy than a horror movie, this has a plot that is almost <em>too</em> high-concept, with Vincent Price killing off theatre critics who have trashed his performances in reenactments of Shakespearean tragedies. Without a doubt, the greatest movie ever made about a murderous Shakespearean actor.<br /><br /><em>The Evil Dead</em> (1981)<br />The movie that launched Sam Raimi's career is still some trippy shit. Many prefer <em>Evil Dead 2</em>, the sequel-<em>cum</em>-remake, but the cheap, fast, and out-of-control filmmaking of the original makes it my fave. And, without it, we'd have no Bruce Campbell, which would be a damn shame.<br /><br /><em>Drag Me to Hell</em> (2009)<br />While we're talking about Sam Raimi, his first decent horror movie in nearly 20 years is full of complete grossness.<br /><br /><em>Braindead</em> (1992)<br />And speaking of directors who've sold out, the last movie by Peter Jackson (and yes, I was a Jackson fan from Day One, and then he went Hollywood) before he went to the Dark Side is one of the grossest movies ever. Plus, it's a Zombie Movie (and a funny one, at that), which may make it one of the best movies ever.<br /><br /><em>Halloween</em> (1978)<br />Duh. And for even more fun, check out <em>Halloween 3</em>, the completely nonsensical second sequel which doesn't even have the good sense to feature Michael Myers.<br /><br /><em>The Crimson Rivers </em>(2001)<br />This little-seen French entry proves that you needn't be in Hollywood to make a slick-looking movie. Even though it's so complexly plotted that you need a Doctorate in Confusing Plots to figure it out (I've seen it several times, and am <strong>STILL</strong> a little fuzzy on what happens), it's still a fun little thrill ride.<br /><br /><em>The Stepfather</em> (1987)<br />No, not the shitty remake currently playing in theatres, but the original with Terry O'Quinn, released on DVD just in time for Halloween. Ready makes one wonder about the merits of the statement "Daddy knows best."<br /><br /><em>The Changeling </em>(1979)<br />Probably the last Haunted House Movie worth watching, it's also one of the best. Another movie that doesn't resort to smoke and mirrors for its scares, unlike every other Haunted House Movie these days.<br /><br /><em>Dawn of the Dead </em>(1978)<br />C'mon now. You think I'm <em>not</em> going to sneak this one in? The <em>magnum opus</em> of the man who invented the Zombie Movie is one of the best Horror Movies <em>ever</em>. Some prefer <em>Night</em>; some prefer <em>Day</em>. For me, there is no Zombie Movie above <em>Dawn</em>.<br /><br /><em>Black Christmas</em> (1974)<br />Bob Clark's original Canadian import beat <em>Halloween</em> to the theatres by four years, yet no one seems to acknowledge it as the first Slasher Movie. And what's not to love about a horror movie that takes place at Christmas?<br /><br /><em>Brotherhood of the Wolf</em> (2001)<br />Not really a Horror movie, but not really <em>any</em> kind of movie. It borrows elements from several genres (including Kung-Fu Movies!!), and crams them all into one wild, scary movie. Possibly the craziest Monster Movie ever made.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-27638315320984724782009-10-30T03:55:00.003-05:002009-10-30T21:55:22.743-05:00Lost Treasures & Guilty Pleasures Update: Lady Frankenstein, Now With Video!<strong>I'm usually not one to bottle my own farts so I can reenjoy them later on, but, in keeping with today's horror movie theme, I thought I'd repost this, as someone has been nice enough to upload the entire movie on YouTube. So, now you can read through my review and then watch the movie. </strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>Instant gratification.<br /></strong><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wYmgvyZbPeM&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wYmgvyZbPeM&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />My love for horror movies was cultivated by watching the crappy American horror films of the '80s. As I got older, I refined my tastes by watching the slightly-less crappy Italian horror movies of the '60s and '70s. These films, despite their low budgets and bad acting (yes, even in another language it's bad), made up for it with their outstanding production values, cinematography, and all the blood 'n boobs you could handle. A lot of these films are better than horror movies made today. And <em>Lady Frankenstein</em> is no exception.<br /><br /><em>Lady Frankenstein </em>recaps the Frankenstein story, only this time tacking on an additional story about Frankenstein's daughter attempting to make the perfect man. It's a movie that's developed a bit of a cult following over the years, mostly due to its "grindhouse" and drive-in showings. Some allege it to be the inspiration for the more well-known <em>Andy Warhol's Frankenstein</em>. Rob Zombie even cops a sample from its trailer for the intro of "Living Dead Girl." There is a fanbase out there, regardless of how diverse and obscure it may be.<br /><br />And why would you not be a fan? It's got all the elements of a great Italian horror movie: washed-up American stars; insanely hot Italian women; nonsensical plotting; cinematography that could win an Oscar; and blood, blood, blood.<br /><br />The washed-up American star in question is Joseph Cotten, playing Dr. Frankenstein. After a career of roles in praise-worthy films like <em>Citizen Kane</em>, <em>The Third Man</em>, and <em>Shadow of a Doubt</em>, he would basically star in nothing but dreck like this from this point on. (Another notable and praise-worthy star, George Sanders, took the honorable way out and killed himself right around this time when he found himself being cast in similar roles.) Oh, and former Mr. Universe Mickey Hargitay makes an appearance as well. (I'm sure his daughter Mariska is sooo proud.)<br /><br />The insanely gorgeous Rosalba Neri plays the titular Lady Frankenstein, who spends a good portion of the movie naked. I'd say they don't even make women that look like this anymore, but she bears more than a passing resemblance to a Gisele Bündchen with black hair and smaller boobs, so that's not entirely true.<br /><br />The plot of the movie is basically a device to show gross surgery and mutilation scenes, and provide as many opportunities for Rosalba to get her tits out as possible. The acting is about what you'd expect in a movie about Frankenstein's daughter. The terrible dubbing is English to English, a classic Italian trick to hide the fact that most of the actors probably spoke with thick foreign accents.<br /><br />But, what it lacks in acting and plotting it makes up for with beautiful cinematography, dark and moody atmosphere, and lavish Gothic sets that look better than some of the stuff that passes for sets today (even though they were probably leftovers from some other, bigger-budged production).<br /><br />Unfortunately, with movies like this, you have to take the good with the bad. Fortunately, most of the bad of <em>Lady Frankenstein </em>is of the "so bad, it's good" variety, which always makes choking movies like this down so much easier.<br /><br />Check it out.<br /><br />BTW, the trailer at the top of this post is pure Vintage Trailer 101. It's better than anything Eli Roth could possibly come up with to put in his <a href="http://myonlysongs.blogspot.com/2007/05/eli-roths-career-now-officially-joke.html">fake trailer movie</a>.<br /><br /><strong>And now, enjoy the movie.<br /></strong><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/7Dn_Un9luNU&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7Dn_Un9luNU&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-15827581190693548362009-10-29T02:23:00.002-05:002009-10-29T02:29:52.884-05:00Turns Out, Adam Lambert Didn't Need To Come Out Of The Closet...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ9zJS39lnXD4EEnzk977xJA9EC72qjJNnfNt-po3KYcGk5gXnpqxtL0u6vt4OvFQs37mA9NRL47YGzZ6JZpx_-RJTdFS_N3kRTX4pawZZDEpYeoXTvLhniRlq7N-WlVWGgvgl/s1600-h/300_lambert_adam_foryourentertainment_albumcover_lc_102709.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ9zJS39lnXD4EEnzk977xJA9EC72qjJNnfNt-po3KYcGk5gXnpqxtL0u6vt4OvFQs37mA9NRL47YGzZ6JZpx_-RJTdFS_N3kRTX4pawZZDEpYeoXTvLhniRlq7N-WlVWGgvgl/s400/300_lambert_adam_foryourentertainment_albumcover_lc_102709.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397919438736034514" /></a><br />...Because, if he hadn't already publicly outed himself, the cover of his new album would have done the job.<br /><br />Ho. Ly. Shit.<br /><br />I guess the old practice of sexing up album covers for teenage girls to fantasize over is totally gone now.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-68881606481895455702009-10-27T16:30:00.008-05:002009-10-29T02:20:28.847-05:00A Nearly Dark Picture Of The Near Dark Reunion<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWB8hlEqO8hoPXkMX0gm8UYQan-lvANa4eKc0I0_XJoXPet5HJ6jq0I2TemyvN12HwU8NPa33o0NXXtoBAbAeygQvH4bBLKgYenyEJc5W0fLGrDIraSoHniTSFDiEWuR-PoP4l/s1600-h/100_0471.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 266px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397395554575996674" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWB8hlEqO8hoPXkMX0gm8UYQan-lvANa4eKc0I0_XJoXPet5HJ6jq0I2TemyvN12HwU8NPa33o0NXXtoBAbAeygQvH4bBLKgYenyEJc5W0fLGrDIraSoHniTSFDiEWuR-PoP4l/s400/100_0471.JPG" /></a><br />Attended Flashback Weekend on Saturday. Some observations:<br /><br />-There didn't seem to be as many costumed weirdos at this year's show as there have been in past years. However, the number of people who appear to live in their parents' basement remained constant.<br /><br />-As the show was at a different location this year, I had to refer to Google Maps to figure out where I was going. I only wish there had been a disclaimer on the map which read, "Directions are approximate at best."<br /><br />-Kevin J. O'Connor (whom I've long considered to be one of the most annoying actors ever, but was tolerable in <em>There Will Be Blood</em>) made an unannounced appearance. I believe he's a local, so him showing up was just a jog across town. And I was like, "Look, there's that annoying guy from <em>The Mummy</em>, just walking around." It was like the time I saw Kevin Nealon at the mall in downtown Milwaukee. What the fuck's Kevin Nealon doing at the mall?<br /><br />-Anchor Bay, the show's corporate sponsor, once the premiere distributor of horror movies before being purchased by Starz, once again made a spectacular showing by bringing a mere six films from their catalog, all fair to middling new releases. And, once again, Synapse Films, one of their direct market competitors, brought their entire catalog. They even brought movies that are out-of-print. I guess there's something to be said about remaining an independent company.<br /><br />-The Girl wanted me to get Tony Todd to autograph a picture with "I hear you're lookin' for the Candyman, bitch." I didn't think he'd find that as funny as I did.<br /><br />-Best Costume: Jason's mother, Pamela Voohees. Unfortunately, it was being worn by a dude.<br /><br />-Svengoolie, a Chicagoland horror movie host who's syndicated in about four cities, had a bigger turnout than any of the more well-known Hollywood celebrities. Never underestimate the fanbase of a local.<br /><br />-Even though she seemed like a perfectly lovely woman, I can't see why you would want to meet Mercedes McNabb. What am I gonna say to her: "I thought your tits looked nice in <em>Playboy</em>"? Pass.<br /><br />-The <em>Near Dark</em> reunion was actually pretty entertaining. It's unfortunate that it was only a half hour long, as I could have listened to those stories for hours.<br /><br />-Nick DiGilio admitted to me that he was blowing off his WGN radio show to attend Flashback Weekend. He made up for it on Sunday by doing two shows. I wish every workplace was like that.<br /><br />All in all, a good time. The thing I like about shows like this is that I get to see celebrities <em>I</em> like without all the agents, managers, publicists, and a whole gaggle of sycophantic hangabouts surrounding them. They're there just kinda hanging out. And you get to see that, despite their celebrity pedigrees, they're just normal people who act like everyone else. I saw Tim Thomerson walking down the hall talking to one of the vendors about all the stuff he was selling. I shared a smoke with Lance Henriksen while he talked about the Kennedy assassination. Little things like that make it well worth the price of admission and are things that I'll never forget, despite their relative triviality.<br /><br />I'll most definitely being attending again next year.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-41836375148496914952009-10-21T11:57:00.004-05:002009-10-21T12:05:19.926-05:00It Hurts My Feelings When You Say I'm Not A Rapper<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd-DP3sxn45ba4pppShXNRa1sPJcWXxQyjy6P3DMb4O4vYhx4XDkn5uXz1fdXElLZ5r2rA_dldvJZxTqEX062ejIrlO-3X48wC0RBJ0_p0UaorshlltxtwbqznxQcoEFiugr-r/s1600-h/5711.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd-DP3sxn45ba4pppShXNRa1sPJcWXxQyjy6P3DMb4O4vYhx4XDkn5uXz1fdXElLZ5r2rA_dldvJZxTqEX062ejIrlO-3X48wC0RBJ0_p0UaorshlltxtwbqznxQcoEFiugr-r/s320/5711.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5395099285343934626" /></a><br />Even though I've had a copy of this for quite a while, the new Flight of the Conchords album <em>I Told You I Was Freaky </em>just came out the other day.<br /><br />It's basically just songs taken from the second season of their show. The songs' subject matter is somewhat out of context if you've never seen the shows, but the songs themselves are strong enough to be good without context.<br /><br />For fans of the show (and the band, for that matter), this is a must-have. Check it out.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-21958398486736657682009-10-20T11:36:00.004-05:002009-10-20T11:53:09.653-05:00Monty Python Returns...Sort Of<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTaZ0knlfr2cd4DahbYdUW9nt9rxAxLVKg_ebhFoca4rFZyXZB7o5UdSZOR0c5kXKRfHnpNCmZtjP4E5sknByUux6cFaWcAWuIYN2L0WqWcsoo443qnNDhOV34qj6SBfEgkbrS/s1600-h/img_about2.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTaZ0knlfr2cd4DahbYdUW9nt9rxAxLVKg_ebhFoca4rFZyXZB7o5UdSZOR0c5kXKRfHnpNCmZtjP4E5sknByUux6cFaWcAWuIYN2L0WqWcsoo443qnNDhOV34qj6SBfEgkbrS/s400/img_about2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5394722212864061762" /></a><br />If you're a fan of Monty Python, you should probably make some time to watch <em>Almost the Truth</em>, the six-part documentary about Monty Python currently airing on the <a href="http://www.ifc.com/monty-python-almost-truth-lawyers-cut/">Independent Film Channel</a>. It's got the participation of all the living Python members, and contains a lot of information that I as a fan wasn't aware of (like the fact that they were all Cambridge and Oxford educated).<br /><br />It's airing all this week, so check your local listings for times; I know I did.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-4345499353351394382009-10-14T09:37:00.008-05:002009-10-14T10:01:11.042-05:00Nice Effort, But...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkgjOPeo5dXBOxtx5YbgHJttQ9SyTjdSGdTKv_0_g-P3if1G0APXdKYOr4JK9nwcTwkjygVuviLQBpSByy2ZHy7PdGj1gt48rDlmT_mhMsdaug71Qp1fNMvv99TRzkHlfmKnEi/s1600-h/qWKhkZll.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 225px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5392465735741881986" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkgjOPeo5dXBOxtx5YbgHJttQ9SyTjdSGdTKv_0_g-P3if1G0APXdKYOr4JK9nwcTwkjygVuviLQBpSByy2ZHy7PdGj1gt48rDlmT_mhMsdaug71Qp1fNMvv99TRzkHlfmKnEi/s400/qWKhkZll.jpg" /></a><br />In case you missed it, I just wanted to bring to your attention this ridiculous baseball play, in which the Rockies' Dexter Fowler jumps over the Phillies' Chase Utley. You can check it out over at <a href="http://mlb.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?content_id=7049229&topic_id=7222328">MLB.com</a>. It's such a ridiculous and unexpected baserunning ploy that shortstop Jimmy Rollins <em>olé</em>s Utley's throw into center field.<br /><br />It was all for naught, however. Even though Fowler would go on to score the tying run, the Phillies would score three runs with two outs in the ninth. So, that fabulous play just becomes a meaningless highlight.<br /><br />Best to not even try if that's what extraordinary effort get ya.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-81546196894017925562009-10-09T12:07:00.016-05:002009-10-14T09:39:22.273-05:00"Hurry, Hurry! Step Right Up! Get Yer Nobel Peace Prize!!"<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUKjjEpUKxJNIWgf0yJfSloHbkufiFGAL-NjpYDVjVt7dgUQ3572DA_XoovNCjC_6k6HUTkCm_nLwlT8utLYLEPw3SboBW2ZBBfHTtVsOc2G65Ir_E_zWnJEmbQOg6QPpvQKsa/s1600-h/capt_f6ae96fd984d4bdcbd3f2930c2557f58_obama_nobel__whcd105.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 399px; HEIGHT: 287px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5390648232377574690" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUKjjEpUKxJNIWgf0yJfSloHbkufiFGAL-NjpYDVjVt7dgUQ3572DA_XoovNCjC_6k6HUTkCm_nLwlT8utLYLEPw3SboBW2ZBBfHTtVsOc2G65Ir_E_zWnJEmbQOg6QPpvQKsa/s400/capt_f6ae96fd984d4bdcbd3f2930c2557f58_obama_nobel__whcd105.jpg" /></a><br />In a move that comes as a surprise to every single person on the planet Earth, President Barack Obama has been awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. The <a href="http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/2009/">official statement </a>from the Nobel Foundation claims that Obama won "for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples." It should be noted that Obama has only been President for nine months and has done absolutely nothing yet in terms of foreign relations.<br /><br />So, is this what the Peace Prize has devolved into? They just give the Prize away to just anyone for doing nothing?<br /><br />Look back to 2002, when Jimmy Carter won. Although he was a crappy President, since leaving office, he has done a good deal to further world peace and development, both here and abroad. He's a deserving winner. But then, two years ago, you got Al Gore winning one for giving a PowerPoint presentation on global warming.<br /><br />And now, you got Obama winning one for nothing more than making some ambitious campaign promises. Other than dump more troops into Afghanistan (which is the antithesis of peace), he's done nothing to improve world peace, other than claiming he would do so.<br /><br />Look at Ronald Reagan, who was instrumental in the fall of the Soviet Union and communism in Europe: not a winner. Bill Clinton, who helped make peace in the Middle East, Northern Ireland, and the Balkans, and continues to work in Africa: not a winner. Even Mohandas Gandhi, a twelve-time nominee who was a literal martyr for peace: not a winner. Obama's sole peaceful initiative was to invite the participants of a domestic dispute to the White House for a beer, and this apparently wins him to Nobel Peace Prize.<br /><br />Wow; just...wow. I think someone may want to check Sweden's water supply, because they're obviously on something.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-18922445841782800392009-10-07T11:40:00.001-05:002009-10-08T12:41:18.178-05:00With A Star That Looks Like This, I Can't Understand Why More People Don't Watch Dollhouse<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY0TTOtB0rj0sSGtqpLyj41pgl-72BYq22Ax6P7SrBy7P1PZnCuF8J_hd5I-BQgvMVxB7NfBRMW2uIqWggWH3C3sDc0igUBKnTvAm3ycNeAQ9SlheaaXcneU1vGTUGrpyKjrtu/s1600-h/Untitled-1.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 183px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389912077978210706" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY0TTOtB0rj0sSGtqpLyj41pgl-72BYq22Ax6P7SrBy7P1PZnCuF8J_hd5I-BQgvMVxB7NfBRMW2uIqWggWH3C3sDc0igUBKnTvAm3ycNeAQ9SlheaaXcneU1vGTUGrpyKjrtu/s400/Untitled-1.jpg" /></a>I am a weekly viewer of <em>Dollhouse</em>, which is one of the lowest-rated network shows. It's only airing 13 episodes this season, but, if its ratings continue like this, it might not come back next year or even make it through this season.<br /><br />I can't understand why more people don't watch this show. It's a well-written, well-produced show with a truly original plot from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon, with a great cast of well-developed characters, headed by the stunningly pretty Eliza Dushku.<br /><br />Meanwhile, the #1 show on TV, <em>NCIS</em>, which is just another goddamned fuckin' CBS crime show that is exactly the same as a half dozen other shows on CBS, is so unoriginal that if it were canceled, no one would notice, as there's also <em>NCIS: Los Angeles</em>, which is exactly the same as <em>NCIS</em>, except it's got Chris O'Donnell instead of Mark Harmon, and the hot girl on that show is Linda Hunt. (Not Helen Hunt, not Bonnie Hunt; <em>Linda</em> Hunt, who looks like a Muppet.)<br /><br />Yet more people would rather watch that <em>CSI</em> ripoff than an entertaining show that actually has some intelligent thoughts in its head.<br /><br />The end of using our brains is quickly approaching.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10015534.post-11869482616382460982009-10-07T11:11:00.008-05:002009-10-08T13:02:26.207-05:00The Future Of Burger King<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj-KwPuLgKZy3OKsrN2DDMoYxJpR1Y2bumug87oSBRgwTMvNyoUYQwCk5nV9mvXA34kYKFdB8T5BfLAwoSQcG3niuLOyMupJfmXGn5fOvTA9mXFWCYGdUjOqgzX77xqj9NVxlg/s1600-h/capt_a5837fb3ba28423aa0efc22f73f0d2ee_burger_king_revamp_txps201.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 399px; HEIGHT: 274px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389891715739829906" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj-KwPuLgKZy3OKsrN2DDMoYxJpR1Y2bumug87oSBRgwTMvNyoUYQwCk5nV9mvXA34kYKFdB8T5BfLAwoSQcG3niuLOyMupJfmXGn5fOvTA9mXFWCYGdUjOqgzX77xqj9NVxlg/s400/capt_a5837fb3ba28423aa0efc22f73f0d2ee_burger_king_revamp_txps201.jpg" /></a><br />Burger King announced plans today to overhaul its 12,000 locations with a new, updated look. It hopes the overhaul will put the #2 fast-food chain in closer competition with McDonald's, which is slowly revamping all of its restaurants.<br /><br />I actually like the new look. It looks a lot like a restaurant version of Frank Lloyd Wright's Johnson Wax Building. I've been to a couple of new Burger Kings recently, and their interiors are pretty much the same as that of McDonald's. Differentiating their look from their competitor's won't be a bad thing.<br /><br />Now, if they would just overhaul their menu, maybe I'd eat there more often.Ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12548551859487878057noreply@blogger.com0