Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, and (unfortunately) Vince Vaughn: What do all of these people have in common? At least two of them are the top story in every form of tabloid entertainment in America.
The Girl likes to read Us (the prettiest of all tabloids) and People (which, at least, pretends not to be a tabloid), and, without fail, two of the people listed above are on the cover, and, invariably, the others appear somewhere in the issue. It's really difficult not to know everything possible about these people, seeing as it's all I ever see at any given time. And, since these folks don't get enough play as is, I thought I'd weigh in on the "Hot" celebrity couples of the moment.
Tom and Katie
I used to think Tom Cruise was a cool guy. He always seemed like he had a good sense of humor, and was pretty easygoing. And then, one day... BOOM, he's stark raving mad. He's scaring the shit out of Oprah, he's arguing with Matt Lauer over shit about which he obviously knows nothing, and is running about the world, meeting and greeting, like he's a candidate for God. I see two possible explanations for Tom's scary antics: a) he's had a psychotic break, or b) Katie Holmes is completely unfuckingbelievable in bed. I'm going with (a), as, well, c'mon, it's Katie Holmes.
Brad and Angelina
A very odd couple, in that they are obviously together, yet completely refuse to admit so. They travel the world together, are photographed together on a daily basis, I believe there was even some video footage of them fucking during one of the Live 8 shows, yet they will deny, deny, deny that they are a couple. Sure, you guys aren't a couple. And Sean Hayes isn't really gay. Whatever.
Jennifer and Vince
A completely fabricated couple. Just because someone sees them sitting next to each other on a movie set in which they play a married couple, suddenly they're a couple. Sure, like Brad Pitt and Angeli...oh, never mind. I don't know Vince personally, but he pretty much seems like he's exactly like Trent from Swingers in real life. And, if that's true, I'm sure he'd rather be getting fucked up and scoring with every other chick on the planet than having to comfort the emotional trainwreck that I'm sure Jennifer is right now. Although, I'm sure she'd be pretty easy to score with right now...maybe not as made-up as I thought.
Quentin and Shar
I know these two weren't mentioned up front, but this is such a goofy fucking couple that I gotta talk about it. For Shar, this is a total plus, as she's gone from dating rich white trash to dating someone who used to be a good director. For Quentin, seriously, dude, what the fuck are you doing?!? Is your life that bad? Are you that desperate, that the only pussy you can get is K-Fed's babies' momma? The only way I'm that desperate is if I'm deaf, dumb, and blind, quadriplegic, dying of cancer, with the world about to end in 5 minutes, and... actually, I'd never be that desperate. Way to go, QT; I hope your next movie is as good as your choice of women.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Your Daily Gossip Fix
Posted by E at 10:39 pm
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3 comments:
E...
You forgot the Lohan...she is EVERYWHERE with her stick legs and big cowboy boots. I mean, I haven't seen anything that UNappetizing since Kermit squared off against Doc Hopper.
I agree about Vaughn. This is a guy who hangs out in bars while Steve Buscemi gets stabbed in the neck! A quick sidenote...I know a dude who works near where Aniston and Vince are supposedly coupling and, well, she ALWAYS has an entourage and handlers, while He walks around by himself. Sure dude is 6'5", BUT...he's money, baby. Money.
Speaking of money...I'm starting to become a HUGE fan of Jared Leto. This crazy bastard is currently nailing one of the Olson twins. Kinda gross (he's 32...she's 19), but kinda cool since she's a go-zillionaire. Isn't Leto the same dude that ALWAYS seems to be linked to pseudo-A list celebrities and (for whatever reason) ditches them for his next victim?
Good for him...he's not that pretty.
I should add that I am glad that Pitt is with someone like Jolie. I'm not a fan of hers, but I am of his and am far happier thinking he is living out the sexlife of Tyler Durden with Angelina versus the white bread kiss and snuggle that Aniston probably commands.
While Lindsay and her "hot" new body are mentioned everywhere, I didn't mention her here because I don't really consider blowing a transient in an alley to score some coke "dating".
Remember in 2004, when she was hot, and now, in 2005, she's just to the right of Rue McClanahan on the Hotness Scale? What a difference a year makes. I hope that cocaine and Marlboro Lights diet works out for her. Skeletons are HOT!!
Jared Leto must either a) have made a pact with Satan, or b) be some sort of alien that dispenses an unlimited amount of Ecstacy, because I don't see him being able to score any other way. The only thing he's ever been in was My So-Called Life (back when the Olsens were eight; ewwwwwww), and yet, he's able to date Scarlett Johansson and Cameron Diaz. Mos def in league with Satan.
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