Free As A Bird (Pretty Much)

On the same day that Nicole Richie served her 80 minute prison sentence, Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to (approximately) one day in jail for two DUIs, two counts of possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility, driving on a suspended license, drinking underage and fleeing the scene of an accident.

Ya know, I'm beginning to think that maybe the L.A. County justice system is working from a different set of books than the rest of the country. I mean, this is the same system that gave O.J. a free pass on two counts of murder. Lindsay got charged with more felonies than the average street-level drug dealer gets five years for, and she gets one day in jail, most of which I'm sure will be spent in the lobby. That's not even enough time for one of the corrections officers to sexually assault her (unless that's what Lindsay wants, then there'll be plenty of time). Lindsay committed a handful of crimes in L.A. that make her a danger to herself and others and gets one day in jail, yet, across the country in New York, Martha Stewart got five months in prison and five months house arrest for selling some stock.

I'm confused. People claim it's favorable treatment for celebrities, yet that dude from Prison Break is about to get sentenced to Chino, which is not a celebrity day camp-type prison, but a genuine ass rape-type prison. (Sounds like someone forgot to blow their judge.) You've got to love a justice system that metes out justice from one extreme to the other on a daily basis.

Today's lesson: if you would like to commit any sort of crime, become really famous and move to L.A. County. Commit whatever crime you like and there's about a 67% chance you'll skate on it. The other 33% is the probability that you'll get the chair, but, hey, I like those odds!

By the way, Lindsay's rehab looks fun as hell. I'm thinking of acquiring a meth addiction so I can have that much fun.