"Where Jacko's Money At?"

Last week, it was made public that Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch would be auctioned off unless he comes up with $25 million in the next three weeks. While, in terms of a real estate transaction, I think that's pretty fair, as banks usually don't give non-Kings of Pop that much time to come up with payment, what boggles my mind is how the hell Michael Jackson can't pay this thing off.

Here's a guy who has one album, a single album, that sold 100 million copies. Add the rest of his catalog, and there's another couple 100 million sales. The 25th anniversary reissue of that same record sold 166,000 copies its first week, good for #2 for that week and is double that now. (Pretty impressive, considering literally every person on the planet already owns the original.)

Here's a guy who, at one point, owned the publishing rights to the entire Beatles catalog, one of maybe two catalogs to sell more records than his. (He's since been reduced to a 25% stake.)

Here's a guy who sold out tour after tour all around the world, including the All-Groweds-Up Jackson 5 Tour.

All that, yet his ass is as broke as a bum in the street. Where the fuck did all that money go?

Take a look at a guy like Ted Turner. Turner lost $9 billion when AOL Time Warner nearly went bankrupt, and still had a billion left. That's what we in the biz call "investing," that you can lose $9 billion and still have enough money left to not have to earn a penny for the rest of your life.

I think Jacko may want to head down to the community college and enroll in an Econ 101 class, because he obviously has no concept of how to hold onto any money. And, because of it, he, Blanket, and the rest of the Jackson clan have to live in a refrigerator box behind the local Costco.

Bravo, Michael. Maybe you can rub your last two nickels together and wish for a magical bankruptcy attorney to appear. You're pretty much fucked otherwise.