I Must Have A Mental Problem

I don't know why I go see M. Night Shyamalan movies. Ever since I was disappointed in the closing minutes of Unbreakable by its nonsensical ending, I have yet to see a Shyamalan movie that has been more than 25% watchable. Yet, there I am, opening weekend, shelling out my hard-earned money to see every one of his fucking movies in the theatre.

I don't know what I'm expecting to see. Maybe somehow I think I'll see that The Sixth Sense wasn't the only good idea he ever had or ever will have. I know that I hate everything he does; it may be the reason I started this blog was to rip on his movies. And I think he's a good director (or used to be), but he may be the worst screenwriter in history. I know this; I know all this. Yet I keep seeing his movies.

So, it should come as no surprise that I was compelled to see The Happening.

I'll come right out and say at the start that the idea for this movie is much better than the shit he's been passing as "ideas" for his last couple of movies. I think a very good movie could be made out of the premise of the Earth developing a natural defense mechanism against human beings. But The Happening isn't that movie, because Shyamalan does nothing with it. I would imagine you could make a documentary on this subject that would be more interesting than this movie. One of the scariest books I've ever read was Demon in the Freezer, a non-fiction book about smallpox. And The Happening is the best you can do with the idea of our planet trying to kill us?

It all stems from Shyamalan's incompetence as a writer. Because the object of terror in this movie is essentially invisible, Shyamalan conveys its movement with the sound of blowing wind. So, what you have is the characters running from wind for an hour and a half. "Oh my GOD: THE WIND!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHAH!!!!!! JESUS!!!!!" Yeah, that's some scary shit. And his usually-sharp directing doesn't help any, because it's completely absent. He shows us nothing of interest throughout the movie.

And the acting isn't of any help either. I mean, you got John Leguizamo, who usually brings some life to the party, but he's dead within the first 20 minutes. And then you got Marky Mark, and, really...c'mon. That leaves you with Zooey Deschanel carrying this entire movie. Good actress, but even Atlas couldn't carry this fucking movie.

There really isn't anything to recommend about this movie. The one thing I enjoyed about it was Shyamalan's restraint in not appearing in the film. Based upon the trajectory of his previous acting appearances in his films, he was on course to cast himself as the first or second lead in this one. Instead, he's not in it at all, which is a good thing, as he's also one of the worst actors of all-time.

Not that I expected to be anything but disappointed in The Happening, but it would have been nice to see a Shyamalan film that didn't automatically jump to #1 on the Worst Movies of All Time list. Maybe next time (but I doubt it).