"Greatest," My Ass

During one of my internet clickathon sessions, I came across this: Rolling Stone's 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time List. It's actually rather old, but this is the first time I'd seen it.

Now, if you've ever read this blog before, you know exactly where this is going, but I'd like to digress for a moment.

When I think of what makes a great guitarist, I think about three criteria: mastery - how technically adept a player is; innovation - what this player is doing that no one else has done; and influence - how this player has influenced others. High marks in those three categories, in my mind, would make you a great guitarist. Rolling Stone, however, appears to have some different criteria.

They have a lot of the greatest guitarist on the list; there's no squabbling with that. But I think there's a lot of people on there who shouldn't be, and, even if they should be, are ranked waaaaay ahead of some who are much better.

Take, for example, Kurt Cobain at #12. Cobain was a great songwriter, combining a great ear for pop with a punk's musical taste. But that doesn't make him a great guitarist. If you listen to the records, Kurt's really not that great a player; it's all a lot of sloppy noise.

Or, take Jack White at #17. A talented guitarist, but he's not doing anything that someone like Rory Gallagher wasn't doing much better 30 years ago. Or Johnny Ramone at #16, who literally never played anything but power chords. Or The Edge at #24, who's a good guitarist, but not anywhere near as good as, say, Buddy Guy at #30. There are at least 100 more that I have problems with, but...

As I was going through this list from the start, I saw a lot of the greats, guys who are great players that everyone knows and follows; guys like Hendrix and Clapton and Stevie Ray and Chuck Berry, Jeff Beck, Page, etc, etc. But as I kept going, there was a couple of names I wasn't seeing. And it took me a long time to get to them.

Absolutely buried at #70 is a guy who is top 5 material, easily: Eddie Van Halen. If you got a number of guitarists together and asked them who their influences are, I'd bet 80% of them would have Van Halen on their list. He's a guy that basically redefined the heavy metal music foundation laid out by Jimmy Page and Tommy Iommi. He could all-out play stuff that you'd never heard before (try to think of anything prior to "Eruption" that sounds like that). This is what a great guitarist is. And I think the only guy on this list that got jobbed more than Van Halen did is Randy Rhoads. For a guy that's been dead for 25 years and had only two recordings to his name (Ozzy Osbourne's Blizzard of Ozz and Diary of a Madman), he's only slightly less influential than Van Halen and just a good of a player.

And then there's the outright omissions. Like, where's Robin Trower, whose playing influenced guys like Van Halen and Rhoads and just about every other player in their generation? Or Yngwie Malmsteen, whose insane virtuosity has led to the writing of countless books on "How to Play Like Yngwie." Or Steve Vai, who's playing is actually better than Van Halen's, AND he could probably teach doctorate level courses on music theory on top of it. And I know these are kinda obscure names, but...who the fuck is Glen Buxton? Or Mickey Baker? Or Scotty Moore?

I don't know, but apparently they're some of the greatest guitarists ever. Couldn't prove it by me, but, hey, what do I know? I only a meager guitar player; I'm not a music journalist, so how would I know what a great guitarist is?

After seeing this list, I suspect they don't know either.