At Least The 3-D Was Better

3-D filmmaking has been around for a long time. It first gained popularity in the '50s as one of the gimmicks used by studios to get people away from television and back into theatres. It fell out of popularity, but made a comeback in the '80s as a way to make crappy horror and action movies seem better before disappearing again. It's back in full effect now, with movies in 3-D coming out all the time.

But those movies are 2-D movies that have been "ported" to 3-D, movies like Polar Express and Nightmare Before Christmas. Movies that are actually made to be shown in 3-D, with shit jumping out of the screen, are as rare as a good horror movie, so it's rather ironic that the newest "true" 3-D movie is a crappy remake of the crappy '80s horror movie My Bloody Valentine.

I'm somewhat of a 3-D neophyte, having only previously seen one movie in 3-D, that being Spy Kids 3-D. But that was only half in 3-D, and the 3-D was so bad that it gave The Girl an aneurysm-level headache. (I've also seen the partially-3-D movie The Mask in an unusual 3-D TV broadcast which was particularly brutal, and while I own a pair of 3-D glasses from Hondo, I've never actually seen that movie, in 3-D or any other format.)

Having seen My Bloody Valentine 3-D, I can safely say 3-D technology has advanced leaps and bounds in five years. Gone are the blue and red-lensed glasses that create the 3-D image, but make everything look blue and red. Gone are the two projectors needed to simulate 3-D. Gone are the side effects of headaches and distorted images from not staring directly at the screen. My Bloody Valentine 3-D has almost View-Master-like 3-D effects. All the colors look like what they're supposed to. The glasses are more like Ray-Bans than the cheap pieces of cardboard and cellophane they used to be. The 3-D was so great that it's a damn shame the movie was so awful. In fact, if you plan on seeing My Bloody Valentine 2-D, I'll tell you to skip it, as watching a perfectly awful 3-D movie in 2-D is a waste of your time. (You'd better skip it on video as well, unless they perfect 3-D home video by then.) The 3-D in Spy Kids 3-D may have sucked, but at least the movie had the decency to be remotely entertaining.

If this is the direction that 3-D filmmaking is going, I suspect this won't be my last 3-D experience. However, if the movies are all this stupid, I may have to reevaluate my position.

I went this long without enjoying 3-D; I can go even longer.

P.S. I now remember that I saw Captain EO during a trip to Epcot back in '83, and that was in 3-D. Twenty five years ago, and that 3-D was better than Spy Kids 3-D.