The '80s In The New Millennium

Last week, in the "Last Five Movies" post, I made mention of the fact that Gary Swanson wore a Members Only jacket while protecting and serving in Vice Squad. Because I do stupid things like this, out of curiosity, I googled "Members Only," and found that this awful fashion statement is still in existence.

No shit; check it out.

I'm absolutely astounded that this horrible '80s eyesore has made a return. This is something that was so bad, that it seemed bad even in the '80s (even though I will admit to owning one, because, hey, that was the fashion). This is something that needed to die when the '80s died; it's so linked to the '80s that it needs to go into history right along with that decade.

And it's not like other '80s fashion staples, like Puma and Lacoste, that have made a resurgence. They existed long before the '80s (both companies are close to 100 years old) and much of their fashions (particularly Lacoste's) have remained unchanged. Even Swatch, a product of the '80s, has transcended its kitschy origins to become the largest watch company in the world.

But Members Only is not a company that has evolved with the times or has continued on with a classic style. Members Only was a product of the '80s that died in the '80s, and is now back with the same terrible styles that would get you laughed at had you worn them, say, well, right now.

But, I can't really blame people for thinking this is hip again, because we as a society are currently in some crazy infatuation with the '80s. Which astounds me, as the '80s are the only decade I've personally lived through that actually seemed terrible while I was living in it. Oh sure, there are decades which, in retrospect, seem pretty corny (like the '90s, for example). But the '80s were generally awful in real time.

And there were only a handful of worthwhile things to come out of the '80s. Like Randy Rhoads. And Blade Runner. And De La Soul's Three Feet High and Rising. And...well, that's about all, really. Most the rest was just garbage. Except for the heavy metal at the beginning of the decade and the hip-hop at the end, all the music was atrocious; disco, only worse. The movie studios, tired of the excesses of the primadonna directors of the '70s, who made some of the best movies in history, put out low-quality movies that would appeal to the lowest common denominator and make money. (In fact, one of my favorite genres, the Crappy Horror Movie, always a money-maker, became so oversaturated during the '80s that they stopped making them for about a decade.) And the great TV shows of the '80s were mostly carry-overs from the '70s.

And the fashion? Embarrassing. Yet people seem willing to embrace it like it didn't already suck once in their lifetimes. Just like all the other junk from the '80s.

I guess there could be worse things to wear than Members Only. I mean, they could start making women's jeans for men.

That would be pretty ridiculous, right?