Add This To The "I Can't Believe I Watched That" File

For no reason other than a copy was made available to me, I watched Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. Having seen it and wanting to be your friend, doing friendly things for you, I will tell you that there is absolutely no reason for you to see this movie. None whatsoever. In fact, if you PAY to see it, you should have yourself committed, because you've lost your fucking mind.

I know what you're thinking: "Oh, even really bad movies have some funny parts." And you're right: this does have some funny parts. And, still being your friend, I'll save you the trouble of seeing the movie and just tell you the funny parts (of which there are two): Jonah Hill's way-too-funny-for-this-movie cameo and Hank Azaria's mildly amusing Boris Karloff accent, which is only humorous for the first 18 seconds. (I just this week saw an A.1. steak sauce commercial featuring Boris Karloff that was more amusing than this movie.)

This movie, at its best, is one of the worst I've ever seen. At its worst, it's a paycheck movie, where actors only star in it because they can make a ton of money. I'm guessing the amount of money needed to pay the salaries of all the talented people who were lured into appearing in this dreck would be enough to cover the national debt with change left over.

This movie proves to me that people who pay to see an incredibly stupid movie will also pay to see an incredibly stupider sequel. (You would think I would have figured that out after National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets, but I'm a little dim sometimes.) Don't be one of those people, and avoid this movie as though your life depended on it.