Last Five Movies: Dead Celebrity Edition

In lieu of going on about the already-overreported rash of recent celebrity deaths (Karl Malden being the latest one), here's a more upbeat discussion of some recent movies I've seen:

The House Bunny (2008)
This is one of those movies where they try to make pretty girls ugly. But it would take some major deconstructive surgery to make me believe girls like Kat Dennings and Katharine McPhee are ugly. This may also be the only movie in history whose soundtrack is composed entirely of songs from iTunes commercials. The laughs are few and far between here, with the cleverest joke being one of the characters using the name "Cole Trickle" as an alias (and this single Days of Thunder reference was funnier than Talladega Nights). And, speaking of movies in need of a laugh...

Year One (2009)
You would assume that, when you cram this much comedic talent into one movie, there would be some laughs. You would be wrong. I laughed approximately twice. I realize that Judd Apatow only produced this, but considering nearly every movie he's produced has been garbage, I'm beginning to doubt Apatow's pedigree as a great comedic mind.

Transformers 2 (2009)
Rather than attempt to describe how bad this movie is, I'll instead ramble off some of the "best" bits:

Best Continuity Error - Sometime, it takes a Transformer minutes to transform; other times, it takes a second;

Best Racial Stereotype - The two "black" Autobots, who talk in jive, have gold teeth, and are constantly trying to kill each other. I'm sure that if Pennzoil made a malt liquor, they'd be drinking that, too;

Best Special Effect - Megan Fox's pants, which remain preternaturally white throughout the whole movie;

Best Balls - The giant Decepticon made out of construction equipment has testicles made of wrecking balls clanging around between its legs;

Best Nonsense - Any scene containing a Transformer. Or any scene involving humans. And everything in between.

Twice as big and twice as bad as the original.

Surveillance (2008)
A rather nonsensical and predictable thriller, written and directed by David Lynch's daughter. Only interesting turns from Bill Pullman and Julia Ormond keep it from being completely unwatchable.

Well, DUUUUH:

Futurama: Into the Wide Green Yonder (2009)
How is it that a direct-to-video movie from a canceled animated TV show is better than most things that Hollywood can produce? Because it's fucking brilliant, that's how. It's the final installment of this great experiment, and the whole thing has proved so popular that Futurama is actually going back into production with new shows. That's great news, considering Futurama was one of the best shows on TV before Fox unceremoniously canceled it.

I can't wait.

Getting slightly off-topic...I haven't said anything about the recent celebrity deaths and don't plan on it, as every cable news channel has devoted all their programming in the past week to them. However, I would like to mention Karl Malden, an Oscar winner whose career spanned 60 years, whose death today will be completely overshadowed by the 24/7 Michael Jackson coverage. In sticking with the "recent movies" theme, I thought I'd mention some films I've seen recently that featured Malden and others who have joined the Walk of Fame in the Sky:

Billion Dollar Brain (1967)
Michael Caine's third go-round in the role that would provide Mike Myers with oh-so-hilarious comedic gold for years to come. Malden plays the villain here, and does a fine job with it. Morbid fact: Ed Begley, Sr., who's also in the film, died two years later at age 69. Malden, who was 14 years younger, would outlive him by nearly 30 years. There's something to be said about good living.

The Swarm (1978)
Another terrible Disaster Movie from Irwin Allen, this one about killer bees. Notable for featuring a massive Oscar-winning and -nominated cast. Henry Fonda, Fred MacMurray, José Ferrer, Ben Johnson, Richard Widmark, Alejandro Rey, Cameron Mitchell, Slim Pickens: all talented actors, and all completely dead (much like their careers when they made this). Oddly enough, Olivia de Havilland, who plays Johnson and MacMurray's love interest (!!), celebrates her 93rd birthday today.

Suddenly, Last Summer (1959)
Gore Vidal's bastardization of the Tennessee Williams play of the same name. There are a number of dead gays in the cast and crew (Williams, Vidal, and Monty Clift being the known ones), which is ironic, since Williams' original play was about homosexuality, but the movie makes absolutely no mention of it. Mercedes McCambridge and Katharine Hepburn, who was nominated for an Oscar, round out the late castmembers.

Burnt Offerings (1976)
Just another one of the million or so predictably stupid horror movies that came out in the '70s. Oliver Reed, Bette Davis, Burgess Meredith, Eileen Heckart, and Dub Taylor are all survived by Karen Black, who, in another odd coincidence, celebrates her 70th birthday today.

Here's to hoping that every celebrity lives a long life.