Post-Oscars Post

As you may have noticed, I didn't do my annual Oscar nomination post. Mostly because...well, who really cares this year. The movies were so bad that I could really care less about who wins or loses. In fact, if they just took all the Oscars and handed them out to the cast and crew of The Hurt Locker, that'd be fine by me.

But I watched the damn show anyway, because I've watched it for the last 25 years; why stop now?

My assorted thoughts and observations:

-If Neil Patrick Harris hadn't already come out of the closet, that tuxedo and musical number would have outed him;

-With those glasses, Steve Martin looks like approximately everyone's grandmother;

-It's nice to see they reinstated the Jim Crow Laws and put the cast from Precious waaaaay off stage left;

-Again with letting Penelope Cruz talk. What, Roberto Benigni was unavailable?

-Finally, they figured out a way to do the Best Animated segment without putting animated characters with humans. And of course Coraline lost. Best Animated Film: Why would it win that?

-I guess I had no idea T-Bone Burnett was eight feet tall;

-I kinda like the Six Degrees of Separation thing they did with the presenters for the Best Picture nominees;

-Why is it that Tina Fey always looks like hell when she's trying NOT to look like hell? And pleeeease stop it with the fucking Reading of the Screenplays;

-Wow. Where the fuck did they find Molly Ringwald? Matthew Broderick was so stunned, he nearly fell down the stairs. And douche chills aplenty when all the Brat Packers came out. Time is very cruel;

-I couldn't tell: Is Roger Ross Williams gay? You may not have been able to tell either, what with the distraction of Mrs. Garrett from Facts of Life running up on stage;

-So...we're just gonna dress Ben Stiller up in a Halloween costume every year? Believe it or not, he's pretty funny without any props;

-How 'bout that: Roger Corman got an Oscar;

-I believe this marks the first time in history that Robin Williams didn't do his Sassy Black Woman impression, chiefly because I think the sassy black woman that proceeded to win the Oscar would have kicked his white ass;

-Line of the night: "I don't think the plural of 'whores' is 'whoreses'";

-How do you win a Cinematography award for a movie that's 75% computer-generated?

-I wonder if they realize that James Taylor has his own catalog of songs;

-I found it humorous that two of Jennifer Aniston's former boyfriends presented an award together;

-It took Paul Newman 30 years to finally win an Oscar; Fisher Stevens wins one on his first try;

-I didn't think a wig could be gay, but Pedro Almodóvar's just proved me wrong;

-Remember when Jeff Bridges was nominated for Thunderbolt and Lightfoot 30-odd years ago? No? Well, no one else does, either, but it's good to see that he's still the same guy all these years later;

-Sandy Bullock accepts a Razzie AND an Oscar within 24 hours. Who else can say that?

-Here's why James Cameron deserved to lose the Director Oscar: He dumped Kathryn Bigelow, who is pushing 60 and looks great, for Linda Hamilton, who is much younger and...not so much. And...

-He also loses the Big One to his ex-wife. He is now officially an Oscar cuckold.

All in all, the most predictable Oscars ever. If I had cared, I could have handicapped this thing to within about two. But, I didn't, so I didn't. Maybe next year will be more exciting.

BTW, I DVR'd the whole thing and fast-forwarded through all the horseshit, and watched the entire three and a half hours in just under two.

Just a helpful little tip for those who think these things tend get a little long.