Last Five Movies

Domino (2005)
Tony Scott has ADD. There's no other reason to explain why this movie looks like it does. And I use the term "movie" loosely here, as it's more of a series of scenes that just happen to be on the same roll of film. I don't think there's anything on the screen for more than a second. And I think that may be a generous estimate. Scott should stop taking stylistic cues from Natural Born Killers, and make movies that actually appear to be movies, and not moving photocollages. He needs to go back to his Top Gun days, when his movies were still big and dumb, but at least they had some kind of coherent plot and didn't hurt my eyes. Oh well. If nothing else, at least this movie adds the words "blacktino" and "Chinegro" to our lexicon.

Waiting... (2005)
What an odd movie. It's, more or less, Clerks in a restaurant, but not as funny. As far as I can tell, it's about nothing more than the rules and regulations for the Penis Showing Game. (And, yes, it is exactly what it sounds like.) And what bothers me most about that is not that there is a game like this, but that someone heard about it happening in a restaurant and incorporated it into a movie. I'm never eating out again. Ever.

Serenity (2005)
Usually, when a TV show gets made into a movie, it's based upon the popularity of the TV show being able to get fans into a movie theatre, to pay for what they get for free on TV. (The X-Files movie is a great example of this.) But Firefly, the show on which Serenity is based, was a flop, canceled after a handful of episodes. So, why the movie? Because the DVD set of Firefly's only season flew off the shelves. And, hence, this movie was made. And it's a real oddball: a literal Space Western, complete with six-shooters and Western vernacular. It's just offbeat enough that I can easily see why it never caught on. It's a great movie for fans, though.

God Told Me To (1976)
Recently, Larry Cohen has come back into vogue with a series of phone-related movies. But, back in his first heyday, he came into prominence for coming up with some seriously wacky shit. Like ice cream that eats people, and giant Mexican deities destroying New York City, not to mention an entire series of killer baby movies. And God Told Me To falls right in the middle of his Wacky Period. And if you think the idea of people committing random murders because "God told them to" is goofy, wait until you hear the actual reason. A real winner.

It's a sad week for movies when this is the best:

Cut and Run (1985)
Ruggero Deodato is one sick motherfucker. He probably didn't invent the Cannibal Movie, but he sure did perfect it. Essentially a follow-up to Cannibal Holocaust, the worst movie ever (and by "worst," I don't mean "bad filmmaking"; I mean "wanting to put a shotgun in your mouth and die." Yes, it's that depressing.), Cut and Run is more or less an American-cast rehash of Lenzi's Make Them Die Slowly and Eaten Alive. And what an American cast it is! (Willie Ames and Michael Berryman, for fuck's sake!!) And, while the movie is lacking in the usual animal mutilations, it is not at all lacking in people mutilations. But then, it wouldn't be a Cannibal Movie if it was.