The Onion Has Lost Their Mind

It's the month of December, so every publication is printing their "Best of the Year" lists. The Onion is no different. I picked up their year-end issue and perused my way through their "Best of" lists. (Most people read The Onion online, but, as I live within 50 miles of two of the 10 cities which distribute the print edition for free, I read the paper version.)

I looked at the Best Albums of the Year list. It was full of albums I've never heard of by bands I could give fuck-all about. Albums by Amy Winehouse, who "rocks like a '60s crack whore." (Not a real quote.) Or by "insert obscure indie rock band name here," who released a "solid, hook-filled rock album that...manages to translate the band's usual anti-capitalist screeds and industry-related laments into digestible, sing-along packages." (Unfortunately a real quote.) It's the same stuff that was on the list last year, and the year before, and etc, etc.

Then, I got to the bottom of the list, and came across the funniest misprint that wasn't actually a misprint. Right there, at number 23, behind all these pretentious records by rock critic spank bank bands, was Infinity on High, the newest record from Fallout Boy.

Fallout Boy? The same Fallout Boy with the lead singer that's a serious version of Jack Black? The same Fallout Boy with that ponce that's dating Ashlee Simpson? Yeah, that Fallout Boy.

Now, Fallout Boy is Top 40, emo band garbage, even somewhat below my tastes. And while I never agree with Best Of lists, I thought this was WAAAAAY below the uppity standards of any decent rock critic. (In the history of Best Album lists, I have agreed with two choices: Is This It by The Strokes and Exile from Guyville by Liz Phair. Everything else is just ridiculous.) But, maybe because I think that it's a shitty record means that rock critics love it. This seems to be the case with every other record; maybe it's the case here as well.

I checked out the two main homes of pretentious rock criticism, Rolling Stone and Spin. Both of their Best Album lists contained every album from The Onion's list...with the exception of that Fallout Boy album. So, either Fallout Boy's inclusion is indeed a misprint or one of their music editors is a 15 yr old girl.

Either way, it looks as though the bad taste exhibited in their news section has spilled over into their A.V. section. I can't wait to see what makes the list next year.