When Morons Breed!

If you missed Oh, Baby...Now What? on A&E tonight, you missed some seriously classic shit.

It tells the story of Brad and Sara, two idiots who have a child together. The backstory is that they were going out and having sex, and suddenly, they're knocked up. (To give you a timeline, they celebrate their one year anniversary days before their baby is born. That's a meaningful relationship.) Brad is a complete dummy who moved from St. Louis to L.A. to become an actor (a classic Idiot Maneuver) and always has a toothpick behind his ear. Sara is a flaky ex-stripper who states, first thing, "I don't believe in birth control." (Wow. And they got pregnant? How'd that happen?)

The two really can't stand each other, nor do they live together, yet they go to couples counseling together, and pretend they have some sort of relationship. All of their roommates/friends hate them, as they have no problem alienating everyone around them.

This isn't even the good part; wait 'til the baby's born. Who lets a six-week old baby get second-degree sunburns? Or leaves the same baby at home alone while the mother goes out looking for the father? And who names their kid "Hunter"? If you guessed "these two retards," you slammed dunked it.

The most fascinating thing about this whole mess is the couple themselves. If this story took place in Arkansas or Kentucky, this show would be wholly unremarkable, as this is standard operating procedure for parents there. But these people live in Los Angeles. They aren't poor, white trash living in a trailer park; they're young, attractive 20-somethings living in Hollywood. White trash doesn't know not to raise children like that. It's how they were raised; they don't know any better. But Brad and Sara, who are much farther up the socio-economic ladder, are just stupid. They're terrible parents (and terrible people) because they have non-functioning brains. There should be some sort of governmental agency that monitors people like this, so that when they prepare to breed, they can be sterilized, as to keep their idiot DNA from spreading.

If you're thinking of having a child, watch this first. And then do the opposite of everything you see on this show. Your kid will turn out fine.