Blast From The Past

Remember Godzilla? No, not Gojira, the rubber monster that's been kicking the piss out of Japan for the past 50 years. I'm referring to the CGI monster from the Matthew Broderick movie from eight years ago, that no one remembers or cares about.

I never understood why there was an American version of Godzilla. It's not as though the Japanese originals were far past or long-forgotten. Toho, the Japanese studio that produces the Godzilla movies, just released a new one a couple of years ago, and has made them almost yearly since 1954. (And yes, it's still a guy in a rubber suit.) Yet, this being America, we can't stand anything foreign, and, instead of releasing a foreign movie in our theatres, we just make an American version.

And, like all remakes, it sucked. Sure, it made some money, because Sony marketed the shit out of it, but it was just a stupid action movie with a giant lizard-looking thing that didn't look like Godzilla at all. It wasn't as campy or entertaining as the Japanese versions, and it fell from memory quickly after its first-run through theatres, video, and cable. In fact, I bet you'd even forgotten there was an American Godzilla movie. It's just that forgettable.

So, I find it odd that American Godzilla is back. There's a Doritos commercial airing right now, in which a monster destroys a city to get to a semi trailer of Doritos and then eats it. You've probably seen this commercial. (I saw it twice during a episode of Kolchak: The Night Stalker on the Sci-Fi Channel.) And you probably just thought it was just a giant anonymous lizard monster that ate that Doritos truck. But no: that was American Godzilla, the monster that everyone forgot.

Why would Frito Lay, who makes Doritos, use a character no one remembers to pitch their product? It's like using Clutch Cargo to pitch ChapStick. If you want to use Godzilla, use the one everyone knows: the one in the big rubber suit. Apparently, Frito Lay is marketing their wares to geeks like me, who remember shit like a Godzilla movie that no one else does. And it's working: I sure do love me some Doritos! Thanks, Godzilla, for showing me how fun eating Doritos could be!!