Super-Bland Returns

I was pretty excited to see the new Superman movie, the first in almost two decades. And, being a fan of the previous Superman movies (well, the first two, at least), I hoped this one would be great. And, it kinda sorta is. (BTW, this entire thing is going to be spoilers, so stop reading if you don't want to know.)

The plot is irrelevant (and stupid to boot). What everyone wants to know is: Is it any good? Well, there's a lot of extremely cool shit to look at, like Superman catching an airplane before it crashes into a baseball game, or Superman flying right through a building to catch the globe falling from the top of the Daily Planet building. But, whenever Superman isn't doing anything super, the movie is just dead in the water. There's nothing going on to get us excited. Unlike the previous films (well, at least the first two), which built on a romance between Lois and Superman, this one keeps them apart, which doesn't do anything to keep us interested at all. (I found it somewhat funny and ironic that Lois is dating Cyclops from X-Men.) And the gripping conclusion has Superman in a coma. Wow. Exciting.

I also didn't care for the new Superman this movie introduced: Deadbeat Dad Superman. Previously, we've had Plainclothes Superman, who destroyed a hillbilly bar while disguised as Clark Kent, as well as Drunk-and-Horny Superman, who was mean and had a three-day old beard. Those iterations were humorous; Deadbeat Dad Superman isn't funny at all.

What is funny is Lex Luther's plot to create a new continent. I'm not the supergenius that Luther is, but this really didn't seem like a good or profitable idea to me, even though I'm only slightly less evil than Lex.

And I'm pretty sure that Brandon Rousch is a clone of Christopher Reeve, because, not only do they look the same, they sound the same too.

Sorry to say, but Superman Returns is not the return we had been hoping for. Maybe the inevitable sequel will be better.