Get Ready To Have Your Eyes Blown Off

The big movie out right now, without a doubt, is Avatar. This is the movie that everyone's seeing. At my local theatre, every 3-D IMAX showing has been sold out since its release. It's made over $300 million in two weeks. Needless to say, this movie has some heat.

From the beginning, I've never been all that stoked to see it. I don't think anybody would disagree with me in saying that the trailers looked stupid. And it's the product of a megalomaniacal director who hasn't made a feature film in 12 years. There's a lot of factors (one of which is a reportedly astronomical budget) at work here that make this thing seem like a failure in the making. But, everyone is going to see it, so I figured maybe I should go see what all the fuss is about.

Now, I won't lie to you: I'm gonna shit on this thing right away. The plot of the movie leaves a lot to be desired. It's no secret that James Cameron is not the "King of the World" when it comes to writing. There's a lot of goofy plot elements and terrible clichés and cutesy touchy-feely moments that seemed hackneyed back when the Ewoks where dancing around in Return of the Jedi. That was 27 years ago; that corniness hasn't aged well. And speaking of using the WABAC Machine for inspiration, Cameron steals quite liberally from his own filmography. He's like a not-as-talented Quentin Tarantino who's not creative enough to steal from other peoples' movies. So, in terms of being a movie that engages you at a human, intellectual level, you're looking in the wrong place.

Now, as for being a stunning action movie with 3-D visuals that will kill a lesser man...

JE. SUS. CHRIST.

Remember when you saw Star Wars as a kid, and were completely awestruck by what you were seeing on the screen? This is like that, except about a trillion times more impressive.

This may be one of the most visually-beautiful movies I have ever seen. There are times when so much is going on on the screen that it is possible your head might explode if you attempt to take it all in. It's all amplified by the 3-D, which is the best I've seen so far. (Mind you, the last movie I saw in 3-D was House of Wax, so anything better than that will impress me.) There were times during the final reel when I actually jerked back in my seat to avoid being hit in the face by...well, the screen, apparently. If you're not going to see this in 3-D, you might as well see it with your eyes closed, because that's how much you're missing.

If you can manage to completely disregard the plot and enjoy this as a purely sensory experience, you will not be disappointed. I left the theatre with a smile on my face and an urge to see it again. The action and the visuals are so good that they actually make up for the weakness of the story. (Those of you who have seen Transformers 2 know this is no easy feat.) I'll even go so far as to say that if the Best Picture Oscar was awarded purely for the technical merits of a movie and had nothing to do with storytelling, this would win Best Picture of 2009.

Once the line for the IMAX showings goes down a little, I know what I'll be seeing again.

Oh, and if you've seen The League of Extraordinary Gentleman or Van Helsing or any other action movie that takes place in turn-of-the-century London, you've essentially seen Sherlock Holmes. Downey, Jr. is entertaining, but the rest is a lot of been there, done that.