The Obligatory Post-Oscar Post

A few comments on tonight's Oscars:

-The hilarity started before the ceremony even began, when Regis Philbin replaced the "J" in Javier Bardem's name with an "X". That's right: Xavier Bardem. Classy!

-Tommy Lee Jones was not amused by anything Jon Stewart said.

-Wesley Snipes and Spike Lee get stuck in a corner. And I wonder why they say Hollywood is racist.

-"Gaydolph Titler": comedy gold. Thank Christ the writers are back.

-I liked the clip where Catherine Zeta-Jones dedicates her Oscar to husband Michael Douglas, perhaps not realizing that he already had two. She was only 19 when he won his last one.

-I'd rather stick a shotgun in my mouth than have to suffer the indignity bestowed upon Amy Adams in performing that song. Now she knows how Rob Lowe felt when he sang with Snow White.

-Tilda Swinton seemed as surprised as the rest of us were that she won Best Supporting Actress. But don't say I didn't tell you.

-"The Fascination of Jessie James by the Coward Robert Ford." Jennifer Hudson's grasp of the English language is outstanding.

-The Academy did the right thing, and refused to give Norbit an Oscar, regardless of how great Rick Baker's work is.

-Again, with the fucking animated Oscar presenters. At least Jerry Seinfeld was the only one that got to be embarrassed this time.

-Jerry O'Connell, a 20-time nominee in Best Sound, gets shut out for the 20th time. "Oh well, maybe next year": how many times do ya think he's heard that?

-I still haven't decided whether Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill deliberately tried to look like the Coens or not.

-The slippery spot stage left nearly takes out three people, including one after Colin Farrell pointed it out.

-Penelope Cruz doesn't even get to sit in the same area code as Javier Bardem, even though they're boyfriend/girlfriend. Mickey Rooney had better seats.

-Apparently, no one wanted to hear what Marketa Irglova had to say...until Stewart pulled her back on stage and let her speak. A genuinely nice moment. And I like it when the oddball song wins the Oscar. Fuck you, Enchanted!

-Nicole Kidman was wearing about a dozen too many diamonds, which is nothing, considering she was wearing about two gross.

-The "In Memoriam" part is always enlightening. Roscoe Lee Browne, Deborah Kerr, Lazlo Kovacs: when'd they all die? And who knew Kitty Carlisle was still alive? And it was nice of them to sneak Heath Ledger in there. I didn't even know Lois Maxwell, who starred in more James Bond movies than Ledger starred in movies altogether, had died, yet there's that fucker Ledger upstaging everyone again.

-I realize Harrison Ford is, like, 64 years old, but he acted like he was, like, 80.

-Name one other stripper to win an Oscar.

-Marion Cotillard winning was a legitimate shocker.

-No Country for Old Men walks away with almost everything. No surprise; it was the best movie last year. They finally got one right, for once. Bravo, Oscar! I did find it odd that the two Scott Rudin-produced movies nominated for Best Picture (No Country and There Will Be Blood) were made by a studio (Paramount Vantage) other than the one he's run for the past three years (Miramax). I'm sure The Walt Disney Company really appreciated him giving a shoutout to a rival studio.

A decent, if not predictable, show. We'll try again in 365 days.