Weekend At The Movies

Not that I tried to see all the movies that came out last weekend; it just worked out that way.

When I heard that there was a movie called The Island in production, I thought that Hollywood had hit the bottom of the remake barrel, and was remaking the Michael Caine pirate movie of the same name. I was relieved to find out this was not the case, but was no less comforted by the fact that the Anti-Christ himself, Michael Bay, was directing. Bay's previous directorial and producing endeavors have been box-office hits, at the cost of any artistic integrity or intelligence. In other words, Bay makes big, dumb movies that people love. So, needless to say, I approached Bay's Island with a bit of trepidation.

If you've seen any previews or heard anything about the movie, you know the plot involves Ewan and Scarlett being on an island, and then not being on an island. There's actually a lot more to it than that, but I'll leave it at that.

First things first: This is honestly not the worst movie I have ever seen. This was surprising, as Bay is one of those directors that can top himself in awfulness every time out. (I thought it was impossible to top the embarrassment that was Armageddon. Then I saw Pearl Harbor, and stood corrected.) Bay has made a film that is actually watchable. Sure, it's big and loud like all his other movies, but is not as dumb as it should be. In fact, only the second half is big and loud, as the first half is a fairly decent suspenser about the true nature of "The Island." Bay even seems to have dialed down his usual explosions in favor of some decent action scenes. (People may think that a flatbed loaded with train wheels is rather ridiculous, but any hobo will tell you they see them all the time.) Even the ending isn't as ridiculous as it should be, although though there are some touches of that You're-going-to-cry-even-if-I-have-to-kick-you-in-the-balls sentimentality at the end.

So, why is this "decent" Michael Bay, as opposed to "complete shit" Michael Bay? I would say the absence of usual producing partner Jerry Bruckheimer has something to do with it. Bruckheimer loves "big and dumb," and was apparently too busy developing more spinoffs of CSI to be involved in this. His presence is not missed, as it appears to have made this movie more enjoyable.

It's a tragedy that this movie is turning out to be a major flop (I saw it opening night, and I was one of five people in the theatre), as it is the best movie Michael Bay has ever made. Which ain't saying much, but it's something.

The other movie I saw this weekend, about which I can't say enough, is The Devil's Rejects, Rob Zombie's pseudo-sequel to his House of 1000 Corpses. I really didn't know what to think going into this one. Corpses sat on the shelf for three years before it was released, not only because it was mercilessly grim and violent, but because it was a shitty movie. (Sitting on the shelf is the fate of many a shitty movie. Witness all the shitty Vin Diesel movies that came out after the success of XXX. They were all "off the shelf".) So, what did Zombie do in the five years since his last movie making endeavor? Apparently, he learned how to make a good movie. ("Good" is a subjective term here, kinda like, "It's good I only lost one eye in that explosion.")

The plot, which is nearly non-existent, revolves around the surviving members of the Firefly family running from the vengeful brother of the cop they killed in Corpses. Along the way, they kill some people, kidnap others: just the usual fun stuff that families do on a roadtrip.

Lots of "genre" movie fans lined up to see Tarantino's Kill Bill, because it promised to be an homage to all of these genre films. And it was. But he tried to cram so many genres into two movies (anyone who believes that Kill Bill, Vols. 1 & 2 were ever one movie is an idiot) that it turned into a jumbled mess. It's a lot of shit to throw against the wall, and not much of it stuck.

Zombie chose another route, and just went with one genre: the "Classic" 70's Exploitation Film. No samurais, no zombies, just pure sex and violence, with no plot to get in the way. (A lot of 70's exploitation films featured samurais and zombies, but their plotlines actually consisted of more than sex and violence.) And it's pretty obvious that Zombie is a big fan and has seen all of these movies, because he slam dunks it. Everything is spot-on perfect. He even knows how to lighten the proceedings by throwing in some clever in-jokes. If only Tarantino were this smart.

Now, it may sound like I'm recommending this, but I'm not. In fact, if you don't enjoy movies like Last House on the Left and I Spit On Your Grave, you should avoid this movie like poison. It's not for the squeamish. But, if you're a 70's Tobe Hooper or Wes Craven fan, get in line. You won't be disappointed.