Your 2005 Emmy Nominees

As no one actually cares about the Emmys, I thought maybe I'd try to drum up some interest, as I think it's been a pretty good TV year. I won't cover everything, as there are about 9000 categories. (Art Direction for a Single-Camera Series? What is that exactly?) Some random thoughts:

Drama Series
I can totally see how Rescue Me and The Wire missed the cut so that The West Wing and Six Feet Under could get nominated. Makes perfect sense.

Comedy Series
So, Arrested Development is gonna take it in the ass because the Emmy folks decided that Desperate Housewives is a comedy. Right, and Family Guy is supposed to be funny.

Reality Program and Reality-Competition Program
If these are categories, where's "Best Muscular Dystrophy Telethon"? "Best Public Access Program"? "Best Sabado Gigante Episode"? All that being said, Penn & Teller: Bullshit! winning would please me. And that Sabado Gigante episode with the smoking hot girl with big tits...oh, wait, that's EVERY episode of Sabado Gigante. That Don Francisco is a genius!!

Actor, Drama Series
I can't help notice that Denis Leary's name has been misspelled "Hank Azaria". I'm sure the Emmy people will have this straightened out by the time Mr. Leary accepts his award.

Actress, Drama Series
If Glenn Close doesn't win, the Emmys should just fold it up, because that's a fuck up on the scale of thinking that Yes, Dear is watchable.

Supporting Actor, Drama Series
The following statement has never been uttered before, nor will it ever again, but I'm a HUGE Terry O'Quinn fan. Loved this guy since he beat that guy to death with a 2x4 during a house showing in The Stepfather. That being said, of course he'll lose.

Actress, Comedy Series
Teri Hatcher. Duh. Not because she's a talented actress, or is any good on this show, but because that's whom stupid people (ie Emmy voters) would vote for. I'd also like to say, because four of five nominees in this category fit the criteria, that I'd like to see a moratorium on the "controlling bitch wife" character on sitcoms. Like that's how women are in real li...oh, yeah. Never mind.

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series
There are two actors in this category who equally deserve this award, but won't win, due to voters' answers to these two questions:
1) What the fuck is Arrested Development?
2) Who the hell is Jeremy Piven?

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series
How Two and a Half Men has not one, but two nominees in this category is beyond me. I wasn't aware this was still on TV. Where's Michael Chiklis' nomination for Daddio? That's still on, right?

Guest Actor, Will and Grace
Didn't think this was a category, but the nominees prove me wrong. Seriously though, the fact that Ben Stiller's appearance as Tony Wonder on Arrested Development is not For Your Consideration is a crime against nature.

Animated Program (One Hour or Less)
So, now mid-season replacements can get nominated? Family Guy fields seven episodes, and even the laziest cable shows field at least eight, yet this gets nominated. (Grey's Anatomy got a shitload of nominations, too.) Even though I fall in with the 95% of Americans who don't watch Family Guy or find it funny, I feel sorry for those who do, as it's only a matter of time before Fox cancels it, because they were nice enough to schedule it and American Dad against The West Wing, Law and Order, AND Desperate Housewives. I believe its third cancellation will set some kind of record. Way to second guess yourself twice on the same show, Fox!!

Writing for a Comedy Series
With three of five nominations in this category, hopefully, Arrested Development will win an Emmy here. And, hopefully, it will be here next year as well, even though Fox has moved it against King of Queens, a terrible, terrible show that will inexplicably kick its ass every week. The funniest show on TV is totally going to get canceled. Way to go, yet again, Fox!!

Writing for a Drama Series
Rescue Me's one nomination, and they're not going to win. What a fucking shame.

So, tune in September 18, and be just as disappointed with the winners as I'm sure I'll be.