The Sims 2: Way Better Than Real Life

I'm sure most people have played The Sims. It's only like one of the bestselling games of all time. With all the expansion packs and whatnot available for that game, most people don't feel the need to upgrade any further. But, when you have a serious Sims fanatic in the house, you have to upgrade. So, The Girl bought The Sims 2. And, now that I have logged in some considerable time with it, it may be the one of the best things to happen to me. It's actually improved my life, because I get to do all the wacky shit that I would never do in real life.

My character in the game, Peter Parker (unoriginal name, I know) has, in the course of a couple of weeks worth of gametime: managed to sleep with nearly every woman in the neighborhood; been married twice; had his first wife die in an electrical mishap; married a successful politician; caught his second wife cheating on him with another woman; cheated on his wife with her sister (and many others, for that matter); fathered five children: two with his wife, and three bastards, all with the same woman; aged backwards almost to his teens; owned three different houses, including a 15 room mansion; and is filthy rich and has never had a job. Most people can't accomplish this in a lifetime; he's done it in weeks.

The odd thing about this new version of the game is that some of the above exploits are actually necessary in order to have a good experience. New to The Sims 2 are Life Aspirations. They range from buying a recliner to sleeping with as many people as possible. When you meet one of these life goals, you're rewarded with points which can be spent on some fun WMDs: The Money Tree, The Elixir of Life, and, my favorite, The SimVac, which allows you to steal other Sims' skill points, as well as many others. Your Sim also ages in this game. You can literally play from birth to death. Of course, there is a way to cheat this: The Elixir of Life. One drink, and you age backward three days (time is measured in days; the average Sim life is about 60 days). Drink the whole dispenser, and a middleaged man is a child again. And this is why Peter is a cheater: because he wants to live forever.

Peter has Romantic Aspirations, which means that he gets points for anything having to do with romance: making friends, making out, sleeping around. In order to buy that sweet, sweet Elixir, he has to sleep with as many people as possible (sleeping with 10 different people is worth 15,000 points; the Elixir costs 31,000). Of course, if Peter had a different personality, he could accomplish the same thing by buying a lot of nice furniture. But he's not wired that way. Gotta feed that libido to not die. In fact, if your Aspiration Meter isn't high enough, the Elixir makes you older. So, not only does he have to cheat to buy the shit, he has to cheat just so he can use it. And you thought your life was fucked up.

"Fucked up life? I thought you said this game was fun?" Oh, it is. It's like a sociological experiment where no one goes mental (although Sims can go crazy; a psychiatrist even shows up). If you've never played any edition of The Sims, this may not be your cup of tea. If you have, you need to get The Sims 2, so you can spend hours wreaking havoc on other peoples' lives, much to the consternation of your significant other.

Maybe it's not so different from real life after all.