"Cowboys Lose Playoff; Jessica Simpson Blamed"

I really have no story here. I just wanted to be the first one to post this inevitable headline.

And maybe to circumvent this possible headline, consider this: Tom Brady is fucking one of the hottest models on the planet and has some new baby-daddy issues, yet he hasn't lost a game. And a skank like Jessica Simpson is throwing off Tony Romo's game.

Right. You just go ahead and publish that story, Us Weekly. You go right ahead.